


In Another Universe

by samwichforsammy



Category: SKAM (France), SKAM (Norway), SKAM (TV) RPF
Genre: ALL the tags, Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Brighton - Freeform, Drama, England (Country), Evak - Freeform, Falling In Love, Gay, High School, I, I Ship It, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Idiots in Love, LGBTQ Character, Love, Love at First Sight, M/M, Made For Each Other, Original Character(s), Other, SKAM, Skam Season 3, Slice of Life, True Love, UK - Freeform, Work In Progress, elu - Freeform, happens to be inconsistent lenght-wise sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2019-10-31 00:57:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 42
Words: 35,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17839364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samwichforsammy/pseuds/samwichforsammy
Summary: “Look at how unlikely our meeting was. Look at the vastness of the universe encompassing all the things we think we know. Look at me, at us, together – Here and now. Isn’t this some form of a miracle?” -N.M.SanchezSkam Season 3 but in Brighton.





	1. Saturday 22:36 Some Nights

**Author's Note:**

> Playlist for the fic: one song per chapter. 
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/user/21enh4h47fwomcsryys24znwy/playlist/2JBl9XdnOQojwGHnNwLuCo?si=C3zCzCsdRtCcA45jqsCo0g

The music was booming so loudly that people were almost yelling to try to understand each other, without succeeding, which made them louder. Most sat in different places, chairs, sofas, tables, the ground. Others, or the same ones, were making out, next to the indifferent drunk teenagers, and under the jealous looks of the lonely ones. Fumes of smoke came from the backyard where people were definitely not just enjoying the view of late-night Brighton, but most likely getting higher than the sea.

In all this general party chaos, a game of beer pong had started upstairs, in the library. Supposedly a calm place, the music only got to it partly but the screams of the boy that threw the ball right into the amber liquid resonated through the room.

“Take that, Charlie! You drink!”

A blond guy sitting on one of the chairs shrugged, took the ball out and drank. Was that a good idea? Probably not. Participating was probably not a good idea, given how much of a lightweight he was.

“Tom, you need to stop winning. You’re gonna end up killing him!” Another lad said with a laugh.  
“I’m fine, I can handle it,” Charlie said, putting down the empty glass.

The looks from his friends clearly stated that none of them really believed him, from experience probably, but still went with it. As Charlie was trying to aim, Tom looked over at the people sitting in the back to talk and smoke without the noise. Or with less noise at least.

“Look at that one, the blonde, isn’t she the most beautiful thing?” he said.

They all looked over and agreed with such enthusiasm that you could almost see them drool. Except for Charlie, who just shrugged with an “I guess”.

“Are you kidding me?!” William asked, “you’re telling me you wouldn’t let her do you?”  
“I don’t know, man. Probably not,” Charlie answered, throwing the ping pong ball into the glass. “She’s definitely not my type.”  
“Sad. The new Australian student, man, you could get her, for sure!”  
“I said I’m not interested.”  
“Fine, fine! Who are you interested in tonight, then? You need to surf on that new guy thing.”  
Charlie scanned the room and peaked through the open door of the library. His eyes caught sight of a girl running up the stairs with one of her friends. She was definitely cute, with her dark curls and a red sundress she definitely bought on the North Lane. Another thing that was definite was her tipsiness. But her friend was much drunker. They both stumbled into the library.

“There she is,” Charlie said to his friends.  
“Okay, okay, not a bad choice,” one of them responded.  
“Of course, Jack. Have you seen her?”

The girl’s friend came by their table and almost fell on it, knocking down a few of the glasses, before falling on the couch beside them. Tom gave Charlie a knowing smile when the dark-haired girl came to rescue her friend.

“Is your friend okay?” Jack asked.  
“Does she look okay?!” The girl answered. Then she sighed. “Sorry… no she isn't. She's totally wasted. My plan for tonight wasn't taking care of her.”  
“It's fine,” Charlie said. “Jack, help her.”

After a short hesitation, Jack executed himself and kneeled down next to the girl on the couch.

“Your friend knocked over our game,” Will said.  
“I said sorry…”  
“Don't listen to him.” Charlie came closer to her. “I was winning anyway. I'm Charlie.”  
“I know… you're the Australian. I'm Lea.”  
“Pretty.”

She laughed and kissed him on the cheek. Charlie quickly avoided a proper kiss, turning his head, but accepted her hug. Looking over at him, his friends swiftly left the room.  
He was ready to avoid another kiss when a panicked girl stormed in and asked everyone to leave. The cops were here. Noise complaints apparently. Charlie ran out, leaving Lea in the general chaos, and left the place with all the others.


	2. Monday 10:31 Astronaut

_Lea McAdams (@littleleaofbrighton) started following you._

After seeing the notification pop up on his phone, Charlie sighed and put the phone back in his pocket. He didn’t want to deal with it, especially not now. His friends were talking excitedly about the party. Given that they all got seperated in the chaos following the arrival of the cops, they explained how they eventually left.

“Did you leave with the girl, Char?” Will asked.  
“Uh?” He came back to the conversation. “ No… No I didn’t… It was a mess in there.”  
“Yeah, I almost lost my shoe!” Jack said, shaking his head.  
“Poor you.” Charlie laughed. “But the girl… she followed me on Instagram.”  
“Hey! Look at you! You’re definitely gonna get it!” Thomas said, excited.

Someone popped up in front of them, another girl from their grade.

“Get what?” Charlotte asked.  
“Nothing,” Charlie answered quickly to prevent Jack to say anything stupid.  
“Okay… So are you doing anything on Friday? We’re starting the school play.”  
“Yeah… I think we’re quite busy on Friday, “ William came in.  
“Oh yeah, super busy with that thing…” Tom added.  
“Maybe I can…” Jack started.

William shook his head and pushed Jack out of the way.

“No, you’re really busy with that thing too.”  
“You know… I think you will want to participate to the play. It’s gonna be grand,” Charlotte said then shrugged. “And at least afterwards, you won’t be ‘nobodies’ around here.”

She left with a smug smile on her face, definitely convinced that she got more people to join the theatre group.

“Maybe I can? What’s wrong with you?” Tom asked.  
“I dunno. She’s so hot, isn’t she?” Jack answered.  
“Jesus…”


	3. Wednesday 9:02 First Day of My Life

Charlie sat down in the English classroom, put his backpack on the table and rested his face on it. He didn’t go to bed particularly late or anything, but the 8 am biology class killed him. Let’s just say that he isn’t exactly a morning person.  
He looked over at the board where the teacher was writing about the lesson they were about to have. Charlie vaguely considered getting his notebook out early to note this down, he even straightened up a little. But he dropped the idea quite quickly. Instead, he started to look around at his classmates. None of them seemed to be awake enough to listen to talks about Hamlet or On the Road. To be fair, even though he kept his grades up, English wasn't really the place where he listened the most to what was happening. He read the books, or at least he read them as much as he could, but he would rather be studying science-fiction and not classics. To be or not to be? Don't be and let people go on, Shakespeare.  
He sighed. Everyone was talking about their homework, and other school things and he had no interest in participating in the conversations. William finally arrived and sat down next to him.

“Earth to Charlie. Do you copy?” 

Charlie jerk up his head, as if he was pulled out of a dreamlike state.

“I don't know where you were, man, but that was bloody far,” Will laughed.  
“Probably. My brain is so fogged up. It's way too early.”  
“Understatement.”

After yet another sigh, he put his head back on his backpack. 

“Can you move? I need to talk to him.”

William stood up reluctantly and left. Feeling someone next to him, Charlie looked up. A girl was sitting next to him, an annoyed look on her face. Immediately, he felt slightly worried. What did she want? He frowned.

“Don’t give me this look,” she said, but it just made Charlie look more confused. “Charlotte told me neither you or your friends signed up for the play.”  
“Yeah… We’re b-”  
“Busy? Really? I know you just don’t want to go.”  
“So? It’s not mandatory.”

She shook her head and rolled her eyes. Charlie could’ve thought he was done with that. Hopefully? It’s not that the idea of being in the school play was so bad, like his friends seemed to think. It’s just that he had no interest in drama. 

“True. But we need more guys. And a guitar player. You owe me for the last homework.”  
“What? This was just a small exercice!”  
“And yet you know you’re going to need my help later on. You suck in literature, man.”  
“Sophia…” he sighed.  
“Look, I’m not super pumped about this either. But you know Charlotte., she’s really into that.”  
“Okay, I will come to the first reunion. But I can’t promise anything.”  
“Your friends too.”

Charlie looked away at William, sitting further away in the class, next to another student. There was almost no way he could convince him, or the others to do the play, or even to just go to the first reunion. He was about to tell Sophia that he wasn’t a magicien and couldn’t just decide to bring his friends somewhere when his attention was caught elsewhere.  
A guy just entered the room and went straight to the teacher’s desk. His hand went through his brown curls while he talked to Ms. Clavier and Charlie couldn’t seem to take his eyes off him. He had never seen him before today. To be honest, he hadn’t really paid that much attention to people in other classes, and especially not in the other years, but he felt that if he had encountered him, he would have remembered. Maybe his falsely nonchalant attitude clearly hiding shyness, or his fine features. Something. But it was all new.  
The boy gave the teacher a book before quickly leaving the classroom, still under Charlie’s scrutiny. And, of course, he heard the “okay, see you Friday.”

“Okay, I’ll try”, Charlie said.


	4. Friday 16:47 Somebody To Love

On Friday afternoon, Charlie held his promise. He was there for the school play reunion, even early. He had some trouble finding the theatre room, since this wasn’t something he has paid attention to before, but there he was, sitting in the second row, on his phone, pretending not to care to too much. Drama had never been on his list of interests, he was more a science kind of guy, but when you’re new, it’s always nice to be able to make new friends, or at least honour the few friends you already have. He promised Sophia he would come and he did. Oh yes, he also promised that his friends would come, actually that he would try to convince them to come but he had very little hope on that.   
The school play wasn’t as bad as the chess club in the school society ranking but it wasn’t exactly great, and his friends weren’t excited to be in it in the slightest of ways. But he still hoped they might show up, out of friendship, so he messaged them one last time before looking around. There was a small group of people, probably enough to do a small play, not that he was an expert on the number of people that would require. Charlotte, Sophia, and their two other friends, Frances and Ally, were discussing their speech, and mostly trying the calm Charlotte down.   
16:47. It was already two minutes past the time that was originally set and there was no sign of his friends. But also… No sign of the curly-haired guy he saw in English a few days ago. Since their English teacher will help with the play, he was so sure that the “see you on Friday” was what she meant, that he would be here. But maybe she was just referring to class…  
As he was wondering all sorts of things about the whereabouts of the mysterious guy and his friend, the door open and he was finally here. In a simple khaki hoodie and a pair of jeans, he probably wouldn’t have stood out if it wasn’t for his downy smile. Charlie stared discreetly at him as he said hi to the girls and apologise for being late. He went by him and Charlie quickly looked down at his phone.   
Charlotte stepped forward.

“Hi everyone, we’re glad to welcome you all to the first reunion for the school play,” she said tautly. “So… hm… don’t hesit-”

She was interrupted by the door opening one more time to let in William and Jack, who sat down next to Charlie with a slight gesture of apology towards Charlotte who started again her speech about the school play and what it would entail.

“Where’s Thomas?” Charlie asked.  
“He didn’t want to come, man. I don’t even know why I’m here, we weren’t gonna force him now, were we?” William said.  
“Thanks for coming.”  
“Yeah, well, it better be worth it.”  
“It already is,” Jack smiled, trying desperately to catch Charlotte’s eyes. 

He didn’t, but that earned him a nudge in the ribs from Will. Charlie laughed before turning around once more. Lea, sitting a little more in the back, smiled at him when their eyes met. He smiled back, he didn’t feel like he really had the choice. After all, he followed her back on Instagram. And he couldn’t deny that she seem nice enough for the situation in which they met. However, her relatively excited smile made him slightly worried, so he continued to observe the room. His eyes quickly met others. That guy. None of them smiled, just stared for a few seconds before Charlie turned back towards the girls. He didn’t dare to look behind him again but he felt eyes on him. The guy? Lea? Illusion. He wasn’t going to try to find out, he just tried to concentrate on that school play.


	5. Friday 17:11 Looking Out For You

Twenty minutes into the meeting, Charlotte sent people off with questions to think about, concerning costumes, roles, rehearsals, casting and others. Barely in Charlie’s hands, the list ended up shoved in his pocket. William was up and out quicker than it took him to get the paper out of site. However, getting Jack out was slightly harder, but they convinced him that Charlotte had other eggs to fry.   
Charlie left them at the entrance of the school as their bus stop was down the road and his bike was in the parking behind the school.  
He reached his bike and started unlocking it when he heard footsteps behind him. A quick look showed him the brunette guy getting to his own bike. Charlie stood up a bit too fast, which would have pushed his bike to the floor if he didn't catch it. The other guy looked at him with an amused smile and Charlie was immediately flustered. He then focused on putting his bag in his basket and started rolling his bike towards the gate. The other guy was already passing through said gate. He put his bike down next to a bench and closed the gate under Charlie’s confused looks.

“Oh? You need to go through as well?” He asked in a silvery voice, almost surprised.

Charlie wasn't sure of what his answer should be. Should he be annoyed? Amused? He didn't know. But the guy didn't seem to be waiting for an answer as he opened the gate almost immediately.

“Okay, come on then.”

Perplexed, Charlie joined him on the other side of the fence. The door closed behind him and the guy reached in his bag and took out a bag of sour sweets. 

“Want some?” He said, sitting down on the bench. 

Charlie shrugged as an answer and sat down next to him. He took a few candies from the pack.

“So, you’re into drama?” he asked.  
“No, not really… I mean, why not, but I’m more there for the music part. You?”   
“Oh, favour.”

The guy laughed, which made Charlie smile, sweets still in his mouth. 

“Where’s that favour gonna lead you? You’re gonna be the tree in the back or you’re gonna paint the tree?”  
“I… don’t know. Probably gonna try painting the tree but I’ll just get stuck and play the part”

He shrugged before realising that the guy was looking behind him. He turned around to see Lea.

“Hey, I was looking for you. Charlotte said we needed to choose teams and I thought maybe we could go on the costume team together. What do you think?”

He looked at the other guy for a second before looking back at her.

“Oh well… I was already gonna be on the… music team with…”

He coughed while pointing to him to let him introduce himself.  
“Isaac.”  
“Okay… well maybe I can join you too on that then.”

She said with a smile, sitting in between them on the bench. Isaac offered her a few candies, which she accepted, before looking over at Charlie, clearly amused by the later’s frustrated looks.


	6. Sunday 11:11 The Other Side

_ Isaac... _

 

Charlie typed the name into the instagram search box, sitting on his bed and leaning against the wall. Nothing interesting came up. Without a last name, it would be hard to find anything and right now, he had no idea how to find out more about that Isaac. He quickly scammed through the numerous usernames that popped up but none of the profile pictures matched Isaac’s face, not even close. So he just put back the phone in his pocket with a sigh and looked at the girl lying in his bed, her head resting on his legs. 

 

“What happened?” Evie asked in her strong Liverpool accent, looking up from her phone. 

“Nothing… just school stuff.” He shrugged. 

“Actual school or that school play thingy?”

“Both, I guess.”

“You should just do like I do to avoid my problems.”

 

She straightened up and moved to sit next to him against the wall. She scrolled down a little on her phone, before showing him an instagram page filled with pictures of the same actor.

 

“Just look at Timothée Chalamet pictures,” she said.

“First of all, you know you should really study. Second of all, why would I do that?”

“Because he’s the prettiest thing on earth right now.”

 

Charlie rolled his eyes and shrugged, looking at her, and clearly avoiding looking at the screen.

 

“Beside you, of course. Don’t be jealous,” she said, pinching his cheek.

“I’m not! Also, I thought you didn’t like guys.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever said that. I’m bi, you should actually listen to me when I talk, right, best friend?” She shook her head, lifting her eyebrows in disagreement. “And even if I was a lesbian, I’m still not blind. Like, can’t you tell he’s so handsome?”

“I don’t know…”

“Saying that won’t make you gay, you know, if that’s what you’re afraid of.”

“It’s not… Yeah he’s good-looking,” he finally said, which earned him a sigh. “What? I said he was handsome.”

 

She took back her phone and continued scrolling. Charlie unlocked his and continued his exploration of the Isaacs of the world of Instagram. But he was interrupted by Evie putting her head back on his laps.

 

“So… anyone  _ interesting  _ in your school play group?” she asked, looking up at him.

 

He put his phone down and shrugged.

 

“I don’t think there’s anyone for you.”

“Yeah thank you, I’m not really into minors. I was talking about you, dumbass.Someone interesting for you.”

 

For an instant, he thought he could tell her about Lea. Lea seemed interested in him. Was he interested? Not really. But maybe that could change at some point. Maybe he could try. She was interesting enough, for the little he knew about her. He grabbed his phone and looked her up on Instagram. Littleleaofbrighton. He then gave the phone to Evie who started going through the pictures.

 

“Well she’s cute. Seems nice. And she’s already following you. You’re on a good track.”

“Yeah… I guess.”

 

She laughed and shook her head. She was going to comment further but her phone rang. She mouthed a name before standing up and leaving the room. 


	7. Monday 8:10 Mystery Of Love

Charlie was early to school that morning. Evie had woke him by falling off her chair and scarring him for life, so he didn’t feel like going back to bed. His morning routine didn’t take more time than usual so he just made his way to school instead of waiting his flat, alone, staring at the walls. None of the possibilities was ideal. I mean, who wants to be early to school? Evie was already at uni, and he didn’t have much else to do. He figured he could at the very least work in the classroom, which would prevent him to have to think about the fact that he didn’t want to be alone.  
Moreover, his mother tried to call him. Two times, which is more than she usually cares to do. He thought about calling her back but the text she sent afterwards told him that it wasn’t necessary. An invitation to church with her and a warning to be good and holy. He ignored it. Maybe he shouldn’t have, maybe he should have been more supportive, but he didn’t feel like he had the energy, not today.  
Once his bike locked in the parking, he made his way to his locker where he picked up his physics textbook and notebook before heading up to his class. In the corridor, he came across the bulletin board where the sign-in list for the school play caught his eye. He quickly went over it, and in the middle of numerous names, quite ironically right below Lea McAdams was Isaac Saddler.  
Isaac Saddler… now he had a last name. Finally.  
Charlie hurried in the empty classroom, sat down and took out his phone. Once again, he tried to find Isaac’s instagram, with more information this time. But none of the four results that popped up was the one he was looking for, at least they didn’t seem to be. So he turned to Facebook where the results were just as fruitful. With a sigh, he put his phone and looked around the classroom for an idea. The curtains that were probably green at some point, the badly erased whiteboard, the wanky tables, nothing was really inspiring. He stared at his phone again before typing the name on Google. The first thing that showed up in the results that the familiar red icon of YouTube.  
He put his phone against his backpack on the table before pulling out earphones. He clicked on the first thumbnail, a picture of Isaac holding a guitar, which made him smile softly. “Mystery of Love, Sufjan Stevens|Cover”. The music started as Isaac tickled the cords, focused on his movements. While the introduction of the song was unfolding, Charlie looked at what seemed to be Isaac’s bedroom in the background. A string of fairy lights on a white wall made visible a blurry set of pictures pinned on the wall, and a few small sheets of paper covered in words, which Charlie assumed to be quotes. He even caught a glimpse of a teddy bear on the bed behind him. But he stopped paying any kind of attention to the background, or even his own surroundings, when Isaac started to sing.

  
_“Oh, to see without my eyes_  
_The first time that you kissed me_

_Boundless by the time I cried_  
_I built your walls around me."_

Charlie couldn’t help but smile hearing Isaac’s soft voice to the lyrics of the song. It made sense, in a way, that someone with such an enchanting voice would be into singing, and would be amazing at it. He smiled tenderly at the screen, without paying attention, while Isaac continued, concentrated on his guitar. When he finished the song, he laughed at the camera and waved, asking for the usual like and subscribe.  
Charlie was about click onto the next video when he heard someone sit next to him. He quickly locked his phone and put it down before taking out his earphones and pretend like he wasn’t doing anything.

“What were you watching?” Sophia asked, taking out her textbook.  
“Nothing… Nothing interesting.” He said with a shrug.

She gave him a suspicious side eye but decided it wasn’t worth fighting for.

“Thanks. For the school play reunion,” she said.  
“Oh you’re very welcome.”  
“Don’t get on your high horses, man. It was just a reunion and you owed me.”

She shook his head and he laughed as other students started coming into the room. He then started to nervously play with hsi earphones’ cord.

“Is there… going to be another reunion?” he asked.  
“Because you care now?” She looked at him to assess whether he was joking. But he seemed serious, or at least, that wasn’t a joke. “Yeah… Next week. Depends which team you enrolled in, but they all have stuff to start next week.”  
“Great… I’ll be there then.”

She appeared surprised. To be honest, Charlie somewhat surprised himself too. Was he willing to go through with the school play because he was too shy to actually talk to someone? Guess so. Or maybe he would somehow convince himself that there was another reason for this new found interest in drama. And music.


	8. Wednesday 11:58 Toast

The sounds of the lockers in the corridor kept distracting Charlie from what he was supposed to be doing. He had a free hour before lunch and he was waiting for his friends to show up. Oh but he was in front of his open locker to get his textbooks for the afternoon classes. Which he did after checking his agenda for the umpteenth time. Once again, he ignored his dad’s text, asking him for lunch.  
After the later left his mum, for whatever reasons he tried to give, their relationship somewhat went under. What was he expecting? Yes, he owed him for paying the rent to his shared apartment with Evie, but he wouldn’t have had to do this if his father didn’t leave. So he shrugged the message away.  
He closed his locker and jumped, seeing Charlotte standing next to him with a large smile, definitely hiding some kind of question.

“Oh… Hey…” he started, but she decided to cut straight to the chase.  
“Hey, listen, Sophia told me you were interested in the school play and since at the end of next week all teams will have had their first meeting, at least most of them, we thought we could throw a party to celebrate the beginning. We don’t know yet if we’re going to open it for other people to get more members but… we’re looking for a place. Frances’ can’t have another party so soon after the other one, Sophia, well… you know, since she’s Muslim, she can’t have it. Ally can’t either and my mum is there so…”  
“What are you asking?” he ended up saying.  
“Could you host the party at your place Saturday of next week?”  
“Yeah… I guess.”

She then profusely thanked him before leaving for what he guessed was either the cafeteria or her class. Probably more the cafeteria. Which is where he was headed as soon as his friends would show up.  
He was crossing the courtyard when he finally saw them.

“Where were you? We’ve been looking,” William asked.  
“Well, not hard enough apparently,” Charlie joked. “I was right in there.”  
“I’m hungry, though,” Jack said, “And not jus-”  
“Please don’t make a sex joke,” Thomas asked. “We’re about to it.”

Unsurprisingly, Jack didn’t add anything. They started to make their way towards the cafeteria when someone grabbed Charlie’s arm. He turned around to see Lea and one of her friends, Moira, if he remembered well. They both seemed pretty enthusiastic with their smiles, which Charlie wasn’t. 

“Hey, we’re organising a little party on Friday, just a small thing, I don’t plan on inviting the whole school, but I wanted to know if you’d like to come,” she said, before adding, “Oh and your friends can come too, of course.”  
“Friday…” He said, falsely reflective. “I don’t know, I don’t think I can… I have this…”

He was trying to find an excuse, maybe Evie could back him up on something. But then he would have to explain both to her and to the others. Yet, he didn’t have time to think much because Thomas stepped into the conversation.

“Ah, what a prankster! We got nothing to do on Friday so of course we’re coming.”  
“Great!” Lea said, excitedly.  
“And we will bring booze.” William added.

Lea and Moira left quickly, and as soon as they were out of earshot, William looked confusingly at Charlie. He couldn’t find any excuse for Lea, and now he had to find one for his friends. And himself in the end. 

“What the hell, man? What’s wrong in that small head of yours?”  
“Look, she’s nice and all but she’s everywhere I go and it freaks me out.”  
“Hey, listen, that’s cool and all but she’s not the creepy stalker type okay? She’s just into you, wake up!”

He shrugged and continued his way to the cafeteria. The others followed him, but not without a small slap on the head.


	9. Friday 13:01 Brighton

He never noticed how white the ceiling was. Just plain white. Maybe he had noticed it before and forgot, it’s not like it’s the first time he just lays there and stare at the ceiling. Had he done that before in this place? Probably. Back in Australia, until last year, his ceiling was dark blue. His dad painted it that way and stuck small white leds on it to represent a starry night. Most nights, he missed that ceiling. Every night, the stars seemed so close, like he could almost touch them. Like he could just close his eyes and be away from everything, be in space where there is no chaos, because there are no feelings in space. Nothing stupid to distract you from the beauty of the stars.  
Right now, in front of that white ceiling, the stars felt quite far.   
He straightened up and grabbed his computer. After opening YouTube, he typed once again Isaac’s name. He then leaned against the wall, a pillow behind his back, and put the laptop on his legs. As he was about to click on another cover, he noticed the introduction video to the channel. A simple “Welcome to my channel”, on which Charlie’s mouse ended up.   
Isaac appeared on his screen, his face brightened by a large smile. His tousled, curly hair was longer than it was when Charlie last saw him, coming to his eyebrows and curling up behind his ears. He was fidgeting with the thin, black bracelet on his wrist, but his voice sounded confident. 

“Hello? Hi? Nice to meet you, I’m Isaac and I’m a singer. On here I will post covers, and maybe an original song, who knows? I hope you like it and you know, if you do, don’t hesitate to subscribe and let’s keep in touch! See you all soon and thank you!”

He waved and Charlie’s cheeks dimpled. Isaac put his hand in front the camera and it cut to the auto-play of the next video, which Charlie didn’t stop. He pushed his laptop to the end of the bed and laid down on the blanket to watch the covers on Isaac’s channel. It said that he started it about six months ago, hence the different haircut, so there were not that many videos on there. Mostly covers of different pop and indie songs that he played on the guitar and sometimes on the piano.   
But Charlie’s favourite video was probably Isaac’s first and only attempt as vlogging. Too weirded out by talking to a camera in public, like he explains at the beginning, it ended up being just footage of Isaac in different places in Brighton. Having a coffee sitting next to a window in Cloud 9 cafe. Walking around in Snoopers Paradise, trying on dungarees and a pair of old glasses, and taking a few pictures with different props in their old photomatic, to which Charlie couldn’t help but laugh. Sitting in front of the Royal Pavilion and throwing little pieces of old bread to the seagulls. Wandering on the pier and between the games in the Palace Pier. In the end, resting on the beach, playing in the pebble, looking more towards the sea than at the camera until he seemed to remember what he was here for and whispering a little goodbye with a little wave.   
Once the video stopped, Charlie closed his laptop and turned around to look at the ceiling once more, feeling much more at peace than when he did that fifteen minutes ago. He sighed, thoughtful, before nervously biting his lower lip. He looked at his phone on the nightstand, and after a rather long hesitation, he grabbed it. Opening the App store, he typed, after another sigh, “gay chat”. One touch on the search button and he was quite ready to put the phone down, but he clicked on the first one that appeared, Almost reluctantly, he created an account, without putting down any kind of name or picture, he just couldn’t. Slowly, he started swiping on profile pictures, most of which happened to be topless, or in suggestive poses, and to all of which he swiped left, hitting every time the little red cross. He then decided to look at the bios, but all the “horny?”, “top or bottom?” and other things he wasn’t sure to totally understand made him close the app.   
So he decided to just go back at staring at the ceiling and wonder how close the stars were.


	10. Friday 16:40 Boys

Leaving school after his last class, Charlie knew what was coming. He needed to talk to Lea about the address and the time but this wasn’t a pressing matter. Sure, he will have to text her and sound interested about that small party, but later. It wouldn’t have bother him as much if she didn’t insist that not a lot of people would be there. That meant she would definitely find time to be alone with him, and he still hadn’t found in himself the strength to really pretend he was interested. He was really trying, not to pretend, but to actually be interested. But it didn’t seem to work. “You can’t engineer a relationship” would say Otis. Yeah, Sex Education reference. But he really wanted to try. Maybe this could go somewhere. However, as of right now, this wasn’t going anywhere and he didn’t want to go anywhere either.

He promised his friends, though. They really seemed excited about the prospect of a party, especially one with girls. Jack’s words, of course.

He waited for the bus in front of the school. The plan was to go home, change, and maybe try to get something to bring to the party. He would also probably have time for a quick shower, which could not come faster. It would give him time to relax...

A short sound popped up from Charlie’s phone and he took it out of his jacket’s pocket. A message in the group chat.

Okay, so slight change of plans. He could try to go back to his mum’s house but there probably wasn’t enough beer to bring, if any. Still thinking, he got on the bus. Maybe Evie would have some, but she might not let him take them. A quick message told her that she wasn’t even at home, still working. And no, there wasn’t beer at home. Perhaps one or two bottles, according to her, so definitely not enough for the party.

He sighed. No access to beer, no one to buy some for him and, as 16 years-old in the UK, no rights to buy any.

 

“A problem?” a voice said next to him.

 

He jumped, surprised before looking up at Isaac’s upturned face. Charlie moved to face him, glanced back at his phone before shrugging.

 

“Oh… Nothing really… I need to find beer and… I don’t know how I’m gonna do that.”

“How much?”

“Well, for four people or so…”

“I might be able to help then,” Isaac nodded.

“You can buy beer? Aren’t you my age?” Charlie frowned. He hadn’t really stopped to think about this details. Not that he stopped to think about Isaac. Of course.

“Well, I don’t think so. I’m 18. But there is beer at my house, that’s what I meant.”

 

He smiled, to which Charlie answered with a nod. Okay, so change of plan. The shower wasn’t on the horizon anymore, at least not soon, but he wasn’t going to complain. He followed him out of the bus to his house, slightly nervous.

Isaac called to see if there was anyone inside but it appeared that they were alone. They got to the kitchen and Isaac opened a cupboard from where he pulled out a pack of beer.

 

“There’s another if you need more. However…” Isaac started.

 

He opened the fridge to take out two bottles of beer.

 

“Do you have time for one before?”

 

Charlie accepted, without really checking the time. One beer couldn’t hurt. And did he really need a change anyway? Isaac opened the bottles and gave one to Charlie before guiding him to his room upstairs. A library in the corner, filled with seemingly different kinds of books, more or less messy was the first thing Charlie saw. But then, he recognised the wall from the background of the videos, all the little pictures pinned on the wall in the midst of some handwritten quotes, and of course the string of fairy light. In front of that, the bed, which he only ever saw in pieces behind Isaac. He couldn’t hide a light smile when he saw the teddy bear, wearing a little t-shirt, resting on the pillows. He turned to the desk, in front the bed, next to the window. What he couldn’t see in the videos because that’s where the tripod for the camera was. Simple enough desk, with his guitar leaning against it.

As he came closer, he noticed scribbles in the same handwriting as the quotes on different sheets of paper. Pinned on the wall were partitions, also handwritten.

 

“Did you do that?” Charlie asked, reading the lyrics.

“Oh yeah…”

“That looks sick.”

“Thanks,” he said with a shrug. “It’s not finished, though.”

“Still good from my point of view.”

 

They laughed and Isaac sat down on his bed. But Charlie decided to continue observing the partitions, trying to read them and imagine the melody.

 

“What do you write about?”

“Everything. And nothing,” Isaac shrugged. “Life. I just write about… me, you know…”

 

He looked down at his beer and Charlie decided to let go. He sat down on the desk chair and turned around to face Isaac.

 

Half an hour later, they were both in the middle of a joyful conversation. Isaac, onto his his second beer, laughed at Charlie’s surfing disaster this summer where the Australian waves were all but kind to him.

 

“After that, I wasn't sure I wanted to surf ever again. It was too embarrassing. But who was I kidding? I was back on track a week later.”

“Addicted to surfing, uh? I've heard that you can surf in the UK but… I must confess that I never really looked into it,” Isaac said, thoughtful but amused.

“Yeah? Well then. I guess I must do my research.”

“Maybe even here. I don't know how high the waves go.”

 

Charlie paused.

 

“The waves? Here?”

“Yeah. Like… the sea? The Channel?” Isaac was clearly confused about Charlie’s visible confusion. What was there to be confused about? A coastal city that has waves…?

“You mean… there's the sea here?”

“You have to be taking the mick!” Isaac stood up. “Tell me you are. Cmon. I know you haven't been here that long but you must have seen the sea.”

 

Charlie remembered the clip of Isaac on the beach and realised that in a way he knew. Before coming here, the idea of leaving sunny Australia, his home country, for rainy and depressing England left him so disappointed that he never bothered to check out where he was going. Brighton. That's all he knew. Then… yeah… he didn't really visit it. All of his friends lived north of the school and the school itself wasn't very close to the water. He never really thought about it in two months. He didn't really care. He wasn't happy to be here. If he had the last word, they would have stayed. Then maybe his parents would still be together and his mum wouldn't be panicked for every single thing.  So, he never really tried to connect with the city, to wander around. The most he had seen from Brighton was probably of Isaac’s video, but of course, he couldn’t admit all of that to Isaac. So he just shrugged.

 

“I don’t know… I didn’t seek it out…”

“Then let’s go.”

 

Charlie watched Isaac leaving the room, but didn’t move. He took the opportunity to check his phone that had been vibrating quite a lot. Lea gave him the address that the group chat was heavily resquesting. Both were getting kind of mad. It was getting closer to the beginning of the party and the communication link was gone. He looked at the door, towards where he guessed Isaac was. And he finally answered. He told his friends that Lea cancelled, and told Lea that his friends didn’t feel like coming anymore.

The “Charlie!” coming from downstairs made him move. Shoes and windbreakers on, they both left the house, Charlie following an enthusiastic Isaac. A few streets down and they found themselves near the sea. Isaac grabbed Charlie’s arm to drag him to the beach, where the later almost tripped on the pebble.

 

“There you go. The sea.” Isaac let go of Charlie and took a few steps.

 

Charlie followed him, and took in the sight that was offered to him, a sight that he missed since he left Melbourne. He felt relieved, for a reason he couldn’t totally explained. Maybe this was the occasion to finally accept the move. Maybe.

But he was cut by Isaac’s realisation.

 

“Oh… Time flies, uh? I didn’t realise… I guess you have to go, right?”

“Well, actually the party was cancelled.” He shrugged.

“No? Oh that sucks. It sounded like a fun time.”

 

But Charlie wasn’t sad, at all. I wanted to be there and just stay a while with Isaac. H sat down and Isaac sat down next to him. He smiled a little and they stared at the sea in silence.

 

“I love the sound of waves,” Charlie said.

“Me too… It’s the best sound of nature. I often come here when I need to think.”

 

Turning his head towards him, Charlie looked at him, smiling. But footsteps started coming towards them.

 

“Hey, Iz!” Someone called.

 

They both turned around and Isaac stood up. It was a girl that Charlie had never seen, but that Isaac definitely knew, given that he put his hands on her hips. And he kissed her.

After a few seconds and a few words they exchanged, about her day, they both turned to Charlie.

 

“Charlie, my girlfriend Emily. Emily, Charlie.”

 

Charlie greeted her with a nod and a smile, which he wasn’t feeling. Isaac announced that they needed to leave for a party of their own, but that, of course, they would see each other later. A quick goodbye later, Charlie ended up alone, staring at the sea, feeling ever less so peaceful. Maybe accepting the move wasn’t for today.


	11. Saturday 15:24 Just Tryna Be Cool

Yesterday, everything went so fast. Isaac’s place, the beers, the “cancelled” party, the sea and finally Isaac’s girlfriend. Isaac’s girlfriend… That was a quite a shock. He thought things were going well, and they probably were, just really not in the direction he was thinking of. He blamed himself for not understanding that what he was feeling from Isaac clearly wasn’t that. He was just trying to make a friend, to give a helping hand with someone with an easy-solved problem. Not more. 

Actually, Charlie couldn’t commit to this realisation. He just couldn’t admit to himself that he was expecting something else. After Isaac left the beach with Emily, he stayed there a while, sitting in the middle of the pebbles. He turned off his phone. It kept vibrating with angry messages from all fronts and he wasn’t in a state where he could handle that. 

Back in Australia, he used to say that he couldn’t be unhappy as long as he lived near the sea. He always found it either peaceful when he needed to think, or energising when he was about to surf. The sound of the waves was something that was comforting to him. But that night, Brighton’s tides weren’t as tranquil to him. 

 

The next day was the time to find some kind of apology. Sitting on a bench in a parc, he was waiting for Tom and Will. But before that, he thought that, maybe, he should answer to Lea’s message from last night. It wasn’t a nice one, and honestly, that was understandable. And he felt bad about letting her without an answer.

He then started to type an answer as he heard footsteps in the grass.

 

Charlie turned around to his friends coming towards him.

 

“Oh this meeting wasn’t cancelled at the last minute?” asked Tom with a snark laugh.

 

He sat down next to Charlie, who looked back at his feet.

 

“What happened last night? We know the party wasn’t cancelled. So…?” William stayed standing in front of Charlie, observing his reaction.

“I’m sorry… I wasn’t feeling good and… My mum… You know…” He looked up and shrugged. 

“No we don’t! What’s up with your mum?” Tom asked.

“She… she was freaking out.”

“Freaking out?”

 

Charlie shrugged again with a small “yeah”. Will and Tom exchanged a look, frowned eyebrows, and a concern spek in the eyes. 

 

“Well, you have apologise, right?” Tom started. “Just host a new party, man, and you’re good.”

“Sounds good to me,” William looked over at Charlie.

“Oh yeah… Okay.”

 

Charlie nodded and Tom nudged him with a laugh, which made the former smile. At least, this was appeased. For now, they didn’t seem to be mad, even though they couldn’t understand totally.


	12. Monday 03:03 We sink

It appeared that this was were he was to end up every time. Once again, he was lying on his bed, in the middle of a room whose floor he couldn’t see under his clothes and books. His blondish hair were almost as messy as his surroundings. And as always when he’s lying like this, in his pyjamas, and especially at 3 am, he was staring at the ceiling.  
This time, the ceiling wasn’t white, not in the shadows so late at night. Which was worse. This dark grey colour was closer to the one of his old ceiling, the one with the stars. During the day, you don’t see the stars, but you know they’re here somewhere behind all this blue sky. But during the night, they’re supposed to be there. If they’re not, you know it’s because of clouds, or pollution, or bad weather. Nothing good. He didn’t like the ceiling in the dark.  
He straightened up before crawling underneath his blankets. He had at least three, it just helped him to sleep.  
He grabbed his laptop from the floor and opened it on his laps. “Gay test”? Was it what he just typed? He almost deleted it, but after a short hesitation, he pressed the search bar.  
A Buzzfeed quiz popped up and he almost clicked on it. What was one of those quizzes good for? Not much, not much at all. Except when you’re trying to disprove something.  
There were some others test, maybe more “professional”, at least he guessed. But what would be the questions anyway? Are you attracted the same-sex? Do you enjoy having sex with people of the same-sex? Well the second one wasn’t really on the table just yet. But the first one? He played nervously with his fingers, looking at the open Google page in front of him.  
Fuck it, he thought and clicked on the Buzzfeed link. “ _How Gay are you?_ ” To be honest, which Charlie was desperately trying to be, at least with himself first, and the rest later, that was more the question. How much…  
Of course, this was still a stupid Buzzfeed quiz. Sure, slightly more serious than “What Kind of Bagel Are You?”, but it clearly didn’t take itself too seriously. It was making fun of the kind of “gay tests” that, instead of actually trying to take a guess at someone’s sexuality, was just asking questions like “which Beyoncé are you?” and “what’s your favourite musical?”. Charlie wasn’t exactly a big Beyoncé fan but for the record, favourite musical was Rock Of Ages. He was that not long ago with his parents and loved it immediately.  
Back to the test, in the midst of ridiculous questions such as his favourite root vegetable, were some of the questions he was dreading, but expecting. As he clicked on the last answer, the result was instant. “You got: A Little Bit Gay!”.  
“ _You’re open to the idea that maybe the one for you could be in the same sex. It’s all cool_.”  
After all, maybe it could be.  
But as of now, it might not be. This was a nice message and all, one that he will probably think about, but he didn’t want anyone to think that’s what he could be thinking.  
He closed Buzzfeed, that had done its job, and opened a new tab.  
“How to prevent people to know that you’re gay?” was his next search. Not really on the same line. He chose a forum, kind of randomly, between the ones that appeared. Looking through the comments, none of them seemed to be what he was looking for. Definitely not the “just be you, don’t worry about the others” kind of comments. That’s exactly what he couldn’t do right now. But then, he found someone’s comment that caught his eye.

“ _What I do so people don’t realise I’m gay is talk about girls, a lot, like it’s all I can think about. But don’t do it as much as Holt in Brooklyn Nine-Nine, life ain’t a comedy._  
 _Another thing I do is go after other gays, or etc. If you’re hurtful enough, people won’t think you’re gay. But don’t be violent or people might think you’re only being a repressed gay. So, find your balance, I guess…_  
 _Also, try to find a cover. By that I mean a girl to date. Careful tho, don’t just date anyone or you’ll desperate and weird. Just find a pretty girl that’s not too tactile._  
 _Good luck._ ”

Yeah… Good luck indeed. Charlie sighed, closed his computer and went back to the dark ceiling, with a lot more words on his mind.


	13. Monday 14:56 I'm A Mess

Closing his locker, Charlie swinged his bag back on his back. He turned around and saw Charlotte coming towards him, her blond hair tied in a tight ponytail. Her large, sweet smile showed she wasn’t just in a good mood, she had something to ask him.

 

“Hi,” he said first. “What’s up?”

“Hey… I was wondering for the party on Friday…” she started.

 

Charlie nodded, pretending he didn’t just remember this was something that was happening. He did talk to Evie about it, and she, of course, didn’t see any problem. She loved to party so she wouldn’t say no to an occasion like this. To be fair, she was also quite excited by the prospect of Charlie hosting a party. Charlie! 

Not getting a negative response, Charlotte continued. 

 

“So… I was thinking about making it a theme party. Do you have decorations?”

“Decorations? For what theme? You didn’t give me the theme.”

“Oh that’s because I was expecting you would tell me you had some amazing themed decorations and then I’d have had a theme.”

 

Charlie laughed and sent a text to Evie. After all, this was her appartement so maybe she had some kind of party stuffs. 

 

“I’ll tell you if I find something but I can’t promise.” He shrugged. “I’m already providing the location, you do the rest.”

“I will, I will. Thanks!”

 

She left, seemingly quite happy but also more and more concerned about the upcoming party. Charlie turned towards his locker before remembering that he already did what he needed to here. He was about to leave the corridor when, at the end of this one, Lea appeared, quickly hidden behind her own locker. Now, all Charlie could see of her was the back of her bomber jacket and dark red, wavy hair. He decided to walk towards her while thinking of what to say, trying not to drag his feet too much.

 

“Hey…”

“No.” She said, closing her locker and crossing eyes.

 

Her lips, bright red, disappeared into a thin line and she tilted her head slightly. Charlie didn’t need to be a genius to guess that she was annoyed and probably asking herself why he still existed. That was understandable, but it was nonetheless scary. He discretly sighed to give himself courage. 

He felt like he needed to apologise, he could have just told another version of the truth. Of course he wasn’t going to say he was with Isaac, but he could have just said that he didn’t feel so good. But it was too late now, the harm was already done. 

 

“I could try to be smooth or whatever but I’m not. I’m just an idiot. I’m sorry, I really am, and I would get if you didn’t want to talk to me ever again. But I… I just freaked out. I don’t really know what to do around interesting people so I opted out. And I’m sorry.”

 

He said that quite quickly, stumbling on most of his words and hold his breath unintentionally waiting for her answer. On her side, she rolled eyes when he opened his mouth but her shoulder dropped their tension pretty fast. She sighed, shaking her head.

 

“Fine, Hayes. But you’re on fucking thin ice,” she said with a slight laugh.

“I guess I’ll test the ice next Friday. You’re going to the party for the school play, right?”

“I haven’t heard of that…”

“I think I just blew Charlotte’s surprise, so don’t tell her.”

“I won’t. But, yeah. See you then.”

 

She disappeared around the corner, amused, and Charlie could now go back home, a little relieved.  


	14. Wednesday 12:45 Pretty Girl

The music was booming, coming from behind the stands. Apparently, it was supposed to help people concentrate. Except for competitions, when it was more for the guests than the actual athletes. Said athletes were in the water, getting warmed up with some exercices their instructor was giving them from the side of the pool. The girl swimming team was training for their upcoming competitions, and they appeared to be quite focused on the exercices. 

Charlie, balancing his lunch on his laps, kept wondering how they weren’t cold in their bathing suits. Everyone knows that swimming pool water isn’t the warmest thing, especially the long, training kind of pool. 

Eating his sandwich, trying not to look too bored, he knew the other guys weren’t thinking about the temperature of the water. Just a glance at them and their slightly parted lips, their minds weren’t  exactly here. Jack was leaning forward, elbows on his knees and wide eyes. Charlie looked at him and looked back at the girls doing their exercices. He couldn’t help but feel indifferent. He leaned on the bench behind him, his arm giving him some support. He thought of leaving but he knew that his friends would think it was weird. 

A few minutes later, the training was done, and the girl grabbed their towels before leaving. The coach stopped the music before walking towards the boys.

 

“Okay, guys. Spectacle over. The pool is closing.” He shook his head before heading to his office. 

“Wow… does he really have to show everyone how gay he is?” Charlie said to William while packing his lunch.

 

William frowned before shrugging. 

 

“Why would you care?” He asked, which made Charlie slightly panicked.

“I don’t. I don’t care. I was just saying.”

 

He closed his bag and got up, following the others down the stairs. He shouldn’t have said anything. What was William thinking about now? He didn’t think this was violent, or even that mean… Maybe that’s what you get for following a random person’s advice on a random forum. 

They left the pool and headed to the courtyard. Next to him, Jack and Thomas were still discussing the girls and how “incredible”, Jack’s word, they were. But a familiar face showed up in Charlie’s vision.

Isaac was there, standing his front of him, his brown hair as messy as usual. At least this time, no girl was holding his hand. But Charlie knew that she was still out there, so he wasn’t expecting much from this exchange.

 

“Hey!” Isaac said, cheerful and smiling. “How are you?”

“Hi…” Charlie answered while the others looked confused.

 

Charlie was uncomfortable. After all, he lied to his friends to be with the guy in front of them and none of them had any idea. Isaac’s smile dropped slightly at his reaction, but he handed him something. His scarf.

 

“You forgot that on Friday,” he said as Charlie took it.

“On Friday?” William asked, frowning.

 

Isaac read the panic in Charlie’s eyes when Will asked the question. He didn’t understand why exactly but he understood that they definitely didn’t know where he was on Friday. And he didn’t want to put him in a bad situation. 

 

“Yeah… At the cafeteria,” he answered with a nonchalant shrug, to which Charlie seemed top stop holding his breath. “That’s yours, right?”

“Actually that’s mine,” William said, taking it from Charlie’s hands. 

“Okay… Well… see you another time.”

 

Isaac walked away and Charlie knew what was coming.

 

“Who’s that?” Jack asked.

“Some guy.” He shrugged, fainting indifference. “He’s in Charlotte’s school play thing. Maybe I left the scarf on the table…”

 

Thomas nodded, as if it made total sense but he also didn’t seem to care that much, while William looked at Charlie with a frown. But the later continued to walk towards his classroom and the others just followed. 


	15. Thursday 10:11 Vill Du Se En Stjärna?

The bell rang the break and everyone in the class quickly grabbed their things and left. Charlie took his time a little more, he had no reason to rush as he had the next hour free. 

He headed out, backpack on, wondering where he should go to study. He decided to go to the library, this way, maybe he could get some things done during that time. His friends were also free, but apart for William who sometimes made effort, they weren’t too big on studying in advance.

He pushed the door of the library and was surprised to see how busy it was. He was informed by the librarian that a class was occupying it but he could still study in the back, if he was able to find a place. So he decided to try.

He walked to the back, finding out how busy it also was. It was still very quiet, apart from turning pages, scrapping pens and whispers. But there didn’t seem to be many free spots.

He looked around a little, ready to give up as there was no way he would stay down at a table full of strangers. Once again, however, a familiar face appeared in the sea of strangers. A head of brown curls, earphones in, was bent over a book. And the place next to him was free.

 

“Can I sit here?” He asked.

 

Isaac looked up from his book and took out a earphone. He nodded before organising the table a bit to give Charlie more space. So, he sat down next to him and pulled out his textbook and some sheets of paper to write on. Acting like he was super concentrated, Charlie started working on his homework, even though he couldn’t help but quickly glance at Isaac’s hands. Why his hands? Because it was the only thing he could glance at without being to obvious. Isaac was apparently back to reading his book, a book about languages according to what Charlie could see, and he was fidgeting with a pen. Another thing thing that Charlie noticed was that the earphone he took out when he sat down was still on the table, as if he was waiting for Charlie to talk to him. 

Maybe he should. After all, last Friday, they seemed to really get along. They could be friends. Right?

 

“Thanks for Will’s scarf,” he said, turning his head towards him. “Sorry, I realised none of us thanked you.”

 

Isaac looked at him and smiled softly before shrugging quickly.

 

“You’re welcome.”

“And sorry I was a bit weird.” Charlie looked down for a moment, hoping he didn’t make things even weirder.

“It’s quite okay. I just hope I didn’t get you into trouble,” he said with a laugh. 

“No…”

“Then that’s fine. You can be weird.” He shrugged, smiling. “After all, you’re from down-under, doesn’t that give you a pass to be weird?”

“If only.”

 

They both laughed and Charlie looked at him with a smile, before getting back to his homework. But a earphone appeared in front of him.

 

“Music?” Isaac asked, holding the earphone. 

 

Charlie nodded and put the earphone in his ear. At first, he didn’t recognized the song, but the lyrics told him it was “When I Kissed the Teacher.”

 

“ABBA?” He asked.

“Oh yeah. You don’t like it?”

“No, no, I don’t really know the song, so I was just asking.”

 

Grabbing his phone on the table, Isaac went through his Spotify, looking for another song. 

 

“Got lots of ABBA,” he said with a laugh. “Wait, I have a song you should listen to.”

 

He clicked on a song, showing the title to Charlie. “Vill du se en stjärna?”

 

“It means “do you want to see a star?” in Swedish.”

 

Listening to the melody, Charlie gave up on trying to understand the lyrics. But maybe later he could try to find a translation online. He liked the song. It was different from the last song Isaac had on, but it fell a little more into the rock side of pop rock, which Charlie appreciated. 

 

“It’s a good song. I can’t understand it, but the music is nice.”

“The lyrics are nice too.”

“You speak Swedish?” Charlie asked. It was a fair question. Why would he speak Swedish out of all languages?

“You might be from the land of kangaroos, but half of me comes from the land of elks and cloudberries. So I learned its language with my mum.”

 

Charlie listened, a little impressed but also glad to be learning more about the British-Swedish guy next to him. 

 

“Any song suggestion?” Isaac asked, giving him his phone.

 

After a short reflection, he started looking for a song. He opted for a Beatle song, which he knew Isaac would know but that didn’t matter. He just wanted to listen to it with him. 

 

“While My Guitar Gently Weeps?” Isaac asked, lifting up an eyebrow. “Nice...”

 

Isaac put his hand on Charlie’s shoulder while taking back his phone, still smiling. Sharing the pair of earphones, they continued to work on their respective things. 

That was until the bell rang the end of the morning break, and Isaac had to leave, apologising for having to take away the music. But it wasn’t really what Charlie was regretting. He watched him leave, as waved as Isaac looked over his shoulder towards him, smiling. He was about to go back to his physics notebook when he realised that Isaac had forgotten a little piece of paper. Maybe he wanted him to give it back, like he did for the scarf? But upon closer inspection, it became clear that he actually left it for him. A little note with a quote like the others in Isaac’s bedroom. But for him. 

 


	16. Friday 18:57 Behave

When, a few days ago, Charlotte finally announced the theme of the party, “Rock n Roll” by the way, he didn’t expect to see her show up this early before the party to set up her decorations. Posters, old vinyls, glow sticks, and other things she got from God knows where, including spotlights that she definitely took from the drama club’s material. She helped Evie set up the TV to do karaoke, which came with one of the microphones and its stand from the club. Even her food was somewhat themed. It seemed like crazy effort for a small party like this. 

Once all was perfect for her, she excused herself to go put on her costume. Evie decided to do the same, even though, for Charlie, she kind of always looked like a rockstar. He went to his room and put on his own costume. He wasn’t planning on putting a lot of effort on that, maybe mess his hair a little and put on a leather jacket but Evie was uphold at the idea. She found him an old ripped t shirt, and lend him a pair of her Doc Martens. He was already regretting the technic she gave him to put volume in his hair, it felt painful just at the thought of brushing them again. Then, he couldn’t help but laugh as Evie, in costume, helped him put a temporary tattoo on his neck, as well as some light eyeliner, which he wouldn’t describe as a good experience.

“Heyo, rockstar!” She said with laugh after taking a few steps back to look at him. 

“Have you seen yourself!?”

“Indeed I have and I raise you a better rock star.” She turned on herself to showcase her costume, temporary tattoos, grunge makeup, distressed jeans and her custom red leather jacket. He had never seen her brown hair other than in a bun or loose but it looked great in this voluminous mess. She was right, he couldn’t deny that she was a better rockstar. She even had her electric guitar, waiting for her in the corner. Maybe he could borrow her tambourine, or would that look ridiculous?

Around 7:30, people started coming in, and that included Lea. He knew she was here the moment she passed the door since Evie nudged him with a snarky smile. So he had little choice but to go talk to her or his flatmate would have made a run for it, which was the last thing he wanted. No need to give either of these the occasion to be more invested. 

She looked pretty, he thought. Objectively, she was pretty. It was probably the first time he saw her with her hair down, and that complimented her face well. Costume-wise, she looked more like a rock fan than a rock star but, you know, that was still in the theme. What he didn’t plan was she purposefully did that.

“Yeah I was right!” She said with a large, excited smile. “Look, you’re the rock star and I’m your groupie!”

Charlie laughed, while scratching his head, which he regretted when came time to pull out his fingers from his hair. They both talked, about their day, nothing really interesting. Fortunately because Charlie wasn’t really paying attention. Isaac wasn’t here. Yet, but Charlie was still constantly looking for him around the room. 

“I’m glad Charlotte chose that theme, it’s perfect and the music that goes with it is even better,” Lea said, taking a beer.

“Rock?”

“Yeah. It’s just the best. What do you listen to?”

“Rock too.”

“Really? We should exchange music recommendations then!”

He nodded with a slight smile but it made him a bit sad. They would probably get along quite well, if she wasn’t so interested in having a relationship with him. Or if he was interested in having one with her. They had similar music taste and from the few discussions they’ve had, they have a similar humour. But different goals for what was going on between them. 

While he was lost in his thoughts, she kissed him on the cheek to bring him back to earth. It made him jump and he met eyes with a smug Evie. He passed his arm around her shoulders, which seemed to make her happy. 

However, Charlie had just seen a Freddie Mercury go through the door, accompanied with a smiling Marie. Isaac and Emily had just arrived, in their costumes, and a guitar strapped to Isaac’s back. They were quickly greeted by Charlotte and her over-the-top costume of Amy Winehouse. Charlie just watched them enter his flat, his safe haven most of the time, hand-in-hand. He knew this was going to happen. He had accepted to host the party for Isaac to come here, at the very least partly. But at the time, he didn’t know about Emily’s existence. It seemed obvious now that, of course, she was going to be there, but Charlie had thought that hope never killed anyone. Yet, they were both here, a happy-go-lucky couple. 

This prompted Charlie, out of the blue, to turn to Lea and just… kiss her. It wasn’t anything passionate, but he could feel her smile on his lips. She had clearly been for this since the night they met. If only Charlie could smile as much as she was, feel as happy. He put his hand on her cheek and pulled her against him, and overall tried to get more into it. Charlie felt her hand on his side but she took it away quite quickly when she heard a voice next to them, voice that Charlie immediately identified as Isaac’s.

“Already rehearsing for your audition?” He asked, laughing.

Lea turned towards him, giggling and hugged him as a hello. Isaac smiled to Charlie, who just slightly pressed his lips together. 

“Freddie Mercury?” She said, looking at Isaac’s costume. “Love him! Isn’t he the proof that all gays are amazing?”

“Well, ain’t that a bit of stupid thing to say?” 

Lea looked at Isaac, furrowed brows, and shrugged. 

“That wasn’t mean, it was a compliment.”

“That’s still a generalisation. What if I said that all Leas are… I don’t know… All Leas are happy? It’s not a bad thing, but it doesn’t make it truth and you would say that it’s stupid.”

Lea sighed. She had nothing to answer to Isaac, so she just let it go. After a short silence, she put her glass down and took instead Charlie’s hand to guide him to the dancefloor. 

A few hours later, more alcohol, more dancing, less light and less caring, the party was going great, according to Charlotte, and the flat was full of people. So full that Evie took out her deodorant and sprayed it around to mask the odour of sweat that came with the party, because she wasn’t “going to sleep with y’all’s armpits”. 

People were moving to the moving in the mostly dark room. This included Charlie and Lea. To be fair, when they started dancing, Charlie wasn’t really into it and saw it as more of chore than something he wanted to do. But now, he was somewhat enjoying himself. He was home after all, he had nowhere else to go, so might as well try to enjoy it. 

That was a nice thought, which didn’t stick very long when he caught a glimpse of Isaac and Lucille, hopping around nearby. He was almost mad to see her mess up Isaac’s perfectly gelled-down hair by passing her hand through it. 

He was cut short in his observation by Lea, who passed her arms around him to pull him towards her before covering his mouth with a somewhat passionate kiss. He responded immediately, almost as a reflex. She pulled back a little but he kissed her again, which she clearly wasn’t against. He opened his eyes and noticed Isaac staring at him, still dancing. It made him slightly self-conscious. He wanted to either break off the kiss or the stare but he found himself unable to do either. 

Eventually, he tried to focus more on Lea. She was there, interested, free and well, kissing him. And tried hard to forget that Isaac was even in the room, kissing his girlfriend without a care in the world. But then, why did their eyes keep meeting in the middle of kisses with someone else? When he looked into his eyes once again, his expression was so intense, Charlie felt almost threatened. He just couldn’t look away, He knew he shouldn’t be looking at him like that, especially in this situation, but he just couldn’t help it. 

They were cut off by Charlotte tuning down the music to announce the karaoke. Everyone seemed a bit surprised, but also much more lost when she turned on the lights slightly. Not a lot, she just turned on the spotlight.

Most people sat down or took a drink while song requests started. Unsurprisingly, Isaac asked to start. Who better than a Freddie Mercury to sing the first song? He choose a Queen song, but decided against the 6 minutes of Bohemian Rhapsody. Charlie sat down on the couch, leaning forward, and watched him do something that he knew was his passion, or at least one of them, singing. He seemed so into it, almost like he was actually on stage and not in the middle of a crowd of high schoolers, singing in front of a screen. 

The song ended, Isaac left the microphone to someone else, another student who decided Katy Perry was to follow up Queen. It took a second to Charlie to seemingly come back on earth, just in time to see Isaac walking in the corridor towards his room. He got up from the sofa and followed him. Their eyes met as Isaac leaned next to the door. 

“That’s my room,” Charlie said when he arrived in front of him.

“I figured as much.”

Pushing the door and turning the light on, Charlie was quite glad that no one was in his room. You never know with parties like this. Isaac followed him inside, looking around with a smile, after closing the door behind him. Realising that his hands were a little sweaty, Charlie buried them in the pockets of his jacket. 

“Are you going to sing?” Isaac asked, while looking at the posters hung on the walls, even though Charlie’s room wasn’t exactly personalised. 

“I can’t really top your performance.”

He chuckled, turning towards him. 

“I’m sure you could. Even to impress Lea.”

“Yeah… Not sure that would impress her.” He shrugged, suddenly less interested in the conversation. “I’m also quite sure she doesn’t need to be.”

“Indeed. It seems to be going well for you two.”

Isaac sat down on the desk Charlie was leaning on. 

“Same for you and Emily. You’ve been together for a long time?”

“A few years, yeah.” He nodded, putting his hands on his knees. “We met when I entered high school. But she was the “girlfriend in another school”, nobody believed me.”

He laughed and looked at Charlie with a slight shrug.

“Do I know where this is going? I don’t know. We’re way past the honeymoon phase so now we have to chose whether we want to try to be high school sweethearts. Who doesn’t dream of that?” 

A few weeks ago, Charlie would have said “me, for one”, but now… maybe it changed a little. A little… But he didn’t know what to answer to Isaac’s words, which were kind unexpected. They barely knew each other and he was just dumping this on him. And yet, he also wasn’t sure of what he meant. Did he want to stay with her? Or was he being sarcastic? 

He turned his head towards Isaac and smiled, trying to be reassuring. No matter what he meant, he could probably use a reassuring smile. But he was surprised to find him staring at him again. 

In a way, he wanted to look away, but the most he could do was blink a little slower. He had never noticed how blue his eyes were, with tiny bits, flecks of gold, like the sea under the sun he was so eager to show him. But Isaac’s eyes dropped towards his lips and Charlie swallowed unnecessarily with difficulty, finally taking his hands out of his jacket. He didn’t even realised that he was holding his breath. Yet, none of them dared make a move, they just continued to stare at each other, observing each other’s features and trying to guess each other’s thought. Charlie was almost sure Isaac had a slight smile on his lips. 

That gaze contest was broken by the door opening. Immediately, they both looked at Evie as if nothing at all was going on in here. 

“Sorry… Am I interrupting something?” She asked, entering with another girl.

“You have a room, Evie.”

Understanding what he meant, her nose crinkled and her lips curled in disgust.

“Gross, man. That’s my sister. I know you’ve never seen her in real life but still. Ew. No, I was trying to find you to introduce you, she’s gonna live here for a while.”

Isaac said a quick hi to Evie’s sister before excusing himself. Charlie just watched him leave, barely listening to his flatmate. He loved her but damn, she never hated seeing her more. 


	17. Saturday 13:24 Read On

The mess that the appartement was in after the party wasn’t something Evie or Charlie were ready to talk about after spending the whole morning cleaning it. They were  glad that some people helped a little before leaving last night but seeing the state of most, it wasn’t surprising that nothing much had happened on the cleaning side. Charlotte proposed her help but Evie declined, she didn’t need to come from the other side of town just for that. 

So after a few trash bags full of beer cans and empty paper plates, deep vacuuming,  and others displeseant chores, they were able to sit down for a late lunch that Evie’s sister had prepared. 

“Thanks, Winnie,” Evie said, taking off her gloves and apron before sitting down at the table, quickly joined by Charlie. “So, you said you broke off your engagement and came here but then changed the subject to the cleaning. So?”

“Can’t we have a nice lunch?” 

“No, because then later you’ll tell me you’re unpacking and then it’ll be dinner, and then you’ll be tired,” She said, insisting on her words. 

Winnie started arguing a little, probably something about no wanting to talk, especially in front of her sister’s flatmate she didn’t know.. Charlie wasn’t really paying attention, at least not to their conversation. He was trying to craft a message to Isaac. They didn’t get to talk much after Evie erupted in the room to introduce a sister she didn’t even seem to get along with that much. If there was a moment he didn’t want to see interrupted, that was last night. Sure, none of them seemed to be ready to make the first step, to close the distance, but who knows what could have happened? Charlie didn’t. But that didn’t mean that he didn’t want to try to figure out. 

However, that message took him more time that planned. He typed something and was about to send it, but hesitated and deleted it. He wanted to ask him if he was doing something tomorrow, but should he? He ended up send in the text, thanking him for the being there at the party, but also asking him if he wanted to do something the next day, the plan itself was up to him. Keeping an eye on his phone, he came back to the discussion, where Winnie apparently decided it was confession time. 

“...need to think, you know.”

“But, dude, you called off a wedding that was due in what… two months because you needed to think?” Evie said, massaging her temples. 

“Yes, I mean...I made my choice. I know it’s not cool but I didn’t really know it before he told me so… Understand me! I couldn’t marry Matt anymore.”

Evie shrugged. 

“I guess… It’s your life after all.”

“Where are you going to sleep? There’s only two bedrooms here.” Charlie asked. 

“‘Lie? The fuck? She’s just cancelled her wedding and you’re worried about that? Who cares?” Evie shook her head, quite clearly frustrated by her surroundings. “What are you going to do?”

“Think, I told you. If he really love me, he’ll make an effort this time and come to me. He needs to make his own choice. He hasn’t tried to call yet.” She shrugged, looking defeated. “If he does, then we’ll see.”

Charlie couldn’t bring himself to care very much about this girl he didn’t know, whose picture he had seen once because “look my sister’s getting married”. But he could understand what she meant to some extend without knowing or wanting to know the full picture. 

He continued to eat without much appetite until his phone vibrated. He grabbed it quite quickly. Isaac. But not with the answer he was expecting. 

But he couldn’t say it was an unexpected answer. He sighed and put his phone away to listen to a conversation about Winnie’s new and improved cooking skills, apparently coming from her ex-fiancé. Maybe they should have check the food for poison if they treat their food the way they treat their relationship. 


	18. Monday 10:02 Return

Yet once again, Charlie was in front of his locker, trying to remember the day’s schedule. For some reason, he could never figure it out, even though it never changed. Charlie…  
At first, this was just him, sighing to himself but he realise afterwards that someone was actually standing next to him, and that person just called out his name. He turned his head to see Isaac; leaning against the locker next to him, his face brightened by a smile. Charlie couldn’t help but smile in return, but he was also still upset by Isaac’s latest rejection. He thought he had gotten over the fact that he had a girlfriend he never thought to mention before that afternoon on the beach, until he saw him with her at the party. Expect that, at the time, he was resigned. Fine, he wasn’t interested the way Charlie was. Fine. Well, that was until the exact party, where they almost kissed, at least in the way he interpreted the moment they shared. And then, he choose her again over him, which was understandable, but he didn’t know what to think anymore. And now, there he was again, standing in front of him.   
“Hi…” Charlie said, closing his locker. “Did I forget anything this time?”  
Isaac laughed, shaking his head.   
“No. No, you didn’t. I was wondering if you were coming to the party on Friday.”  
“The school St Patrick’s Day party?”  
“Yeah. Are you gonna be a leprechaun?” He smiled happily, imagining Charlie dressed like a leprechaun. Would he be sitting at the end of a rainbow? Eh, wouldn’t that be some kind of ironic?  
“I don’t know… Are you going?”  
“Indeed I am.”  
“Maybe I’ll come too.”  
“So we can go together, nice!” He passed next to Charlie, putting a hand on his shoulder before leaving.   
Charlie looked at him leave, even more confused than before. But he couldn’t just stay in the middle of the corridor, trying to figure his life out. He walked down the corridor, towards his classroom, until he met Thomas and William, talking, leaning on random lockers.   
“Look at that. Someone just came back from the dead! Charlie Hayes. Should we take down the missing person poster?” Thomas asked, straightening up. Charlie didn’t really know what to answer, he hasn’t exactly been the best of friends.   
“Sorry…”  
“We tried to call you.” Will said. “And we saw pictures of your party. To which we weren’t invited.”  
“I know, I’m really sorry but I didn’t know if I could invite you. Charlotte told me it was only for the people of the school play and she told me only mid party that we could invite other people.” Charlie was defending himself as he could but knew he was in the wrong. Arms out and palms forward, he looked like he thought they would attack him. But they both just seemed as worried as they were annoyed.   
“Right, right…” William started. “Then get yourself back on track and don’t forget Jack’s birthday this Saturday. We’ll go to London with the train so don’t be late ‘cause we won’t wait for you.”  
Charlie nodded, making a mental note. He felt bad that he had forgotten about that. His mind had been in all directions but earth lately. He made the silent promise to be in London on Saturday. What could prevent him from doing so?  
Thomas put an arm around Charlie’s shoulders and they all started walking towards their classes, planning what they’d do for the birthday.


	19. Wednesday 13:36 Laughing on the Outside

In the library, Charlie sat down with Sophia to study for their upcoming test. Charlie’s mind hadn’t really been up to study lately so the test had been the least of his worries, but was now so close that it came back hitting him in the nose.   
Fortunately for him, Sophia was always a little headed and had accepted to help him with their homework. Not that he was really doing anything, but reading their notes. He didn’t know where to start, since he never really started.   
When he begin this exercise that the teacher recommended as a preparation for the exam, Isaac passed by, backpack on his shoulder, talking with probably one of his classmates. Charlie watched him go by but blushed when he smiled at him with a little wave. He quickly looked down.  
“You know Isaac?” Sophia asked.  
“Oh...hm, yeah. We met at the school play. You know him?” He said, surprised. Of course, she could know him from the school play as well, since she was part of the direction, but then she wouldn’t have asked that question.   
“Yeah, a little but... I mean I’ve more heard about him than I actually know him really.”  
“Heard about him?”  
She shrugged, writing the end of her sentence before looking at Charlie.  
“Like… what… last year? Two years ago? Something like that, people said he was gay and all. He had a girlfriend at the time, don’t know if they’re still together, but I don’t think he cared much about the rumours.”  
“What did you think about the rumours?”  
“I really don’t care.”  
“No but… isn’t that against your beliefs?”  
“Yeah. Not only mine. But yeah… Look, what do you believe in?”  
“Science.”  
“Okay, fine. Then look at science, Darwin and the theory of evolution would tell you that homosexuals should have disappeared a long time ago because they can’t reproduce. So even if it’s a thing you’re born with, it shouldn’t exist anymore. So the science you believe it classified it as an illness, and more specifically a mental illness, which explains why it stuck around. Right? So even your science says that it’s not natural.”  
“They changed that, though.”  
“Not everywhere. And the fact that they changed the title doesn’t make it right or useful. You can argue all you want.”  
Charlie looked back down at his exercise, silent, and crossed his arms on the table. He didn’t agree but he had no argument to back himself up. He decided to let it go and continued his exercise until someone sat down next to him.  
“Hey… Sophia, right? Hi!”   
On the chair next to him, a way too happy Lea passed her arm around Charlie’s shoulders.  
“Hello, so you’re going to the St Patrick’s party? Great! We can have matching outfits!” She said excitedly.  
“Uh… I don’t know…”  
“Isaac told me you’d come. That’s so cool. He’s going with Emily and we’ll meet there! Oh I have to go but I’ll send you ideas for our outfits!”  
She stood up after kissing him on the cheek, and then she left, under Charlie’s still-surprised-and-confused look and Sophia’s amused smirk. But what came of this discussion was more deception… So, Isaac didn’t invite him to the party so they could be together, he was just inviting a friend. Oh but at least he gets matching outfits with Lea.


	20. Friday 21:33 All Of The Stars

The party was taking place near the school, but unlike Charlie first thought, not in the actual school buildings. It didn’t matter that much, as long as he had an address Google Map was here to help. 

This prevented him to look like an absolute dumb-ass in front of Lea, who he picked up with the bus. Classic romanticism, Charlie. But, to be fair, he agreed to her idea of matching outfits. Green of course, to go with the St Patrick’s theme of the party as an early celebration. Yet, it was the Ides of March and let’s just say that Charlie was feeling more in the mood for the stabbing of Caesar than for leprechauns and shamrocks. 

That was definitely the greenest Charlie had ever been. Lea had gotten them green plaid shirts, which he tuned down with a black pair of jeans but she decided to splurge into the green theme with an accordingly clover coloured skirt and knee-high socks. Maybe a little much. Oh but Charlie didn’t plan the big, green leprechaun hat that Lea surprised him with. And which he, of course, had to wear as soon as she left her house. 

Now, sitting down at a table, the hat was still on his head, and he hated it just as much as when he first put it on. He felt ridiculous. But, seeing Isaac’s costume, that feeling went away at least a little, making him feel better. Emily had opted for a simple greenish outfit, which contrasted with Isaac’s bright green dinosaur onesie. Charlie hadn’t been able to stop himself from laughing upon seeing this, which seemed to make Isaac happy. He also brought his guitar, strapped on his back, that added ridicule to this eclectic outfit. 

In the middle of the conversation, Isaac took his guitar on his laps, taking advantage of the fact that they were in a quieter area of the party. So much that they could almost just be on a double date, which Lea didn’t miss to mention. 

“Or I guess it would be if there wasn’t so many people trying to avoid a headache.” 

“True…” Emily nodded. “Quite good observation. I’m glad we get so much along. Especially since Isaac mentioned Charlie a lot, so it’s cool that we also can be friends, even though you’re younger.”

Charlie looked at Isaac at the mention of his name, but he pretended not to have heard anything and continued according his guitar. 

“Yeah, I’m happy too! We should do that another time.” Lea said. “And I don’t think age matter that much. But… wait, are you and Isaac the same age?”

“Yeah.” Isaac answered, finally looking up from his instrument. “But don’t ask her. She’ll tell you I’m still here because music is a distraction.”

“Don’t put words in my mouth.” Emily said, frowning. “It might not be the reason you failed your year, but it is the reason you’re not paying attention right now.”

“Yet, I answered the question, didn’t it?”

Emily looked at him, clenching her jaw but decided it was better to leave it there. Lea met eyes with Charlie, and both seemed to ask themselves whether or not they should stay to third wheel this couple argument. 

Probably to avoid fighting more, Isaac started to play a song, trying to stay quiet as not to bother others too much, even if they seemed to generally appreciate music other than just dubstep mixed with Irish traditional songs. Charlie leaned forward to listen to the melody, trying to ignore Lea who had just grabbed his arm and was trying to hug him. He was, however, surprised by Emily’s total indifference to her boyfriend’s music. She leaned back and started to drink slowly, looking around with a sigh. 

Once Isaac was done with his song, Lea clapped, followed by Charlie. Isaac laughed and put down his guitar.

“Glad you liked it,” He said, grabbing a beer can. 

“Maybe you should calm down with the beer,” Emily interjected. 

“Oh because now you care about what I do?” 

“That’s not the point.”

“Yeah, it is. I can make my own choices, thank you very much. Leave me alone.”

He opened the beer and started drinking it under Emily’s annoyed eye roll. She stood up and left, jaw and fists clenched. Charlie and Lea exchanged an uncomfortable look, unsure of what to do. Lea decided to follow Emily in an attempt to comfort her. 

Charlie was left with Isaac, who continued drinking his beer, seemingly deep in thoughts with a furrowed brow. 

“Let’s go,” he said, looking at Charlie.

“What? Where?” 

“You’ll see. If I stay here, I’ll end up suffocating.”

He stood up, put his guitar back on his back and exited the place. Still a bit shocked by the proposition, Charlie took a second to realise what was happening. He grabbed his jacket and followed Isaac out. Fortunately, the later was waiting for him outside, by his bike. With a smile, he gave Charlie his guitar, which he accepted and put on his back. Taking his green hat off, Charlie gave it to one of the guys smoking outside, who seemed much more excited about wearing it than Charlie ever was. He then jumped on the back on the bike and Isaac started pedaling. 

Late night Brighton, lit up by lamps along the way, appeared somewhat eerie to Charlie who was letting himself be completely guided by Isaac. He had no idea where they were or where they were going, but it didn’t matter. He could take him all the way up to Glasgow for that matter. It might take a while, you know, but who cares? He felt a smile lifting his lips as the wind passed through his hair. Peaceful. That’s the feeling that overcame him. The party, Lea, his parents and the rest, it was all behind, in the back of his mind, hidden by the image of Isaac’s green hood floating in the wind.  

The bike stopped and they both got off. Wave sounds gave away the fact that they arrived at the beach and knowing Isaac, Charlie wasn’t surprised the slightest. They walked down to the pebbles and Isaac ran towards the water.

“Over there, that’s the Brighton Pier. You should come back during the day at some point,” he said, pointing towards a structure on the other side of the beach. 

Charlie walked to him, still carrying the guitar and sat down in the pebbles. Isaac took place next to him, his knee touching his. The guitar in his hands, Charlie decided it was his turn to show off his talents. 

He started to pluck the strings, with a little hesitation at first but it wore off quite quickly when Isaac started to hum along. He looked up at him, and realised that his eyes were already on him, watching his fingers go across the instrument while his own were tapping on his knee to keep time. Isaac, radiating enthusiasm, begin to sing. Was he doing a better job than Ed Sheeran? Without hesitation, Charlie would have said yes, given how beaming he was. 

 

_ “I saw a shooting star  _

_ And thought of you.” _

 

Charlie listened to Isaac’s voice, trying not to get too lost into it. After all, he had to continue giving him the music. But he was barely looking at his fingers anymore. His eyes were locked in Isaac’s and they didn’t seem ready to move. As much as he could in the low light provided by the street lights and what came from Isaac’s phone, he made out his features, his face brightened by a smile. He heard the pebbles roll under them and realised that Isaac had gotten closer to him. Charlie bit the inside of his mouth nervously, leaning slightly forward, slowly, as Isaac did the same, still singing. It was almost as if they were unaware of their movements the way the sea moves without knowing the moon is behind its tides. 

Charlie could feel his heart pound in his chest, so much that he was scared Isaac would hear it. 

 

_ “Everything led back to you, _

_ So can you see the stars?” _

 

For a second, Charlie thought they would take back where they left off last week. The party could have been a great idea in the end, and maybe Isaac was actually trying to invite him. They were back at that point, both leaning toward each other, both trying not to stare at each other’s lips, yet both not daring to move further.

Isaac didn’t seem in any kind of hurry to make a move. On the contrary, he seemed to enjoy this somewhat risk-free gray area. But something caught his eyes and distracted him.  

His head jerked up towards the sky and his eyes riveted on the stars. He stood up, pointing at something in the sky. Charlie put down the guitar and stood up as well to see what this sudden impulse what all about. 

“Make a wish,” Isaac said before closing his eyes. 

Charlie’s wish was already formed in his head. His wish for tonight had been so close, almost palpable, but slipped away like the water through the pebble under their shoes. Isaac kept his eyes closed. Was his wish that long? Or was he trying to fit in more than one?

Slowly, Charlie stepped in front of him, biting his lower lip anxiously. He was holding his breath unconsciously. At the sound of steps, Isaac finally opened his eyes. 

“ _ I wonder do you see them too? _ ” Charlie asked, on the tune of the song, and looked down to take his hands in a confident movement. 

“I can see them too.”

Smiles appeared on their faces at the same time, and Charlie wasn’t going to let his chance go now. He broke the distance between them in a swift decision and joined his lips to his. 

Isaac answered immediately and pulled Charlie to him. His hands reached for Charlie’s face and gently brushed his cheeks. Charlie’s hands slipped down to rest on his hips and drew him in.

Surprisingly, Isaac pulled away and looked at Charlie with a puzzled expression, as if he just couldn’t believe this was happening, that he got to feel his soft lips against his. For a second, Charlie got scared, maybe it had been a mistake. Maybe Isaac didn’t feel his skin burning under his touch. Maybe Isaac didn’t appreciate the kiss like Charlie loved the minty taste of Isaac’s mouth. Maybe his wish had only been one way and made him see things that weren’t there. He couldn’t make out his thoughts and the lasting feeling of his lips didn’t help with having a clear brain. All he could think about was the soft smell of lemongrass coming from Isaac. 

But he didn’t have time to think more as Isaac’s lips met his once again. He could feel Isaac’s smile as they drew closer, as close as they could and kissed again, and again. 

In their own little universe, they moved and stepped in the sea, which made them laugh. Charlie could feel his stomach tingling as they walked into the water without a care in the world. Why should some wet shoes matter when they were finally together? 

Isaac passed his arms around Charlie’s neck and planted a small kiss right there. Charlie smiled and put his arms around him, running a hand through his brown curls.

“I can’t believe I kissed a guy wearing a dinosaur onesie.”

Isaac laughed with him and lift up his head to look at him. 

“Careful what you wish for, uh.”


	21. Saturday 15:10 Nowhere To Be Found

A bright ray of sun beamed into the bedroom through the open curtains, providing the only source of light in the dim room. A few hours earlier, it had already woken up Charlie, used to sleep in complete darkness. Last night, when they arrived at the flat, Isaac had insisted that they keep the curtains open. Charlie had jokingly asked if he was scared of the dark but Isaac had answered in a serious tone that all kind of things are lying in the dark and that no, he wasn’t scared of the dark, but of those things which he knew nothing about. Afraid of the unknown if you will, and Charlie couldn’t help but wonder if he had made a mistake by not fearing the dark. 

However, at 7 am when the light first hit his bed, he understood why he didn’t really care for the dark and all its creature as long as it allowed him to have a lie in on a Saturday morning. He had never been an early riser. He was more the kind of person who would press snooze a bunch of times until he either realises he’s late or gets too hungry to stay in bed. 

But that time, he didn’t mind waking up that early. Isaac was still fast asleep, clearly used to sleeping through light changes. And honestly, that was a spectacle that Charlie was glad he didn’t miss. 

The night before, their kiss, was still somewhat of a blurry thing in that he still wasn’t sure he didn’t dream it.But the fact that Isaac was here, sleeping like a little angel in his bed, was proof that it happened. They kissed. They really did. What did that mean? He didn’t know. They still hadn’t talk about it. They just kissed more. 

Charlie fell back asleep while playing with Isaac’s curls and woke up only hours later under Isaac’s kisses on his face. Laughing, they spent the rest of the morning barely talking, just kissing, cuddling, and exploring each other’s faces with a smile before dozing off again.None of them wanted to think of the outside world, other than the cups of tea and some biscuits that Charlie snatched from the kitchen before quickly going back to his bedroom. 

“I like words,” Isaac said, flipping through a book he found on Charlie’s bedside table. “They’re a bit like music, you know? Good paragraphs, sentences, and all that. When it’s well done, when it works, well… that’s just like music.”

“I don’t know enough about either to tell you… I’m the kid in class that reads poetry and makes it the most boring and gross groupement of words ever.”

“Ouh…” Isaac said, shaking his head in disapproval. He put the book down and looked at Charlie. “Don’t know if we can really be together if you say things like this. But… let me think. Physics’s your thing, right?”

“Yeah… especially astrology.”

“Well, think of it like that. Each word is a star. Each sentence, a constellation. Each paragraph, a galaxy. That does that makes the book? It’s its own little universe.”

“So there’s a much universes as there are books?” Charlie asked, nestling against him, smiling at the smell of lemongrass.

“No! There are way more than that. All the books that are, and the worlds in poems and songs, and movies… And I’m not even talking about the books in other universes. All the little stars we can’t see because they’re ever so slightly different from the ones we have. 

“Parallel universes?” Charlie looked at him with a smile. There was something he could get on board with. 

“Yup. Don’t you ever think of those?”

“I do, actually. Like… quite a lot… I like to wonder what the infinity of little mes are doing. Some of them are richer than Bill Gates. Some of them are friends with Gandalf. I mean… most of them are living their best lives. And them the others are the one died when instead of just getting out of the shower, I cracked my head open on every single thing in the bathroom.”

“Oh… Jeez.... Poor them.”

“Yeah but… Okay, there’s actually quite a lot of them but the others are find. And like… there’s probably some of me everywhere in the world. I haven’t seen much of the world but with all the alternate me, we’ve collectively seen everything.”

“Oddly uplifting,” Isaac said with a smile. “I think in a way, I do that too. I’m adventurous but… In books. When I read, it’s like I’m living the story. So… I guess there are little me in books everywhere. And in my music.”

“Hm… All those universes… Do you think there are other us in your books?”

“Maybe. Maybe not even books. Did you imagine how we could both die in this exact situation or are all our alternative self safe here?”

Charlie laughed.

“I didn’t, but I could start right now.”

“Well, I don’t want to know.” He laughed with him. “It’s too scary to think about all those little us who aren’t happy.”

“Yeah b--”

A knock on the door interrupted their discussion.

“Hey, man. Stay in your room if you want but like… are you eating anything? I wouldn’t want you to starve to death,” Evie’s voice said from the other side of the door.

“Uh yeah… I took food from the kitchen.” Charlie looked at Isaac, half amused and half annoyed. 

They heard Evie’s mumble fade and disappear.

“Where do you know her from?” Isaac asked.

“We met… well hm… a few months ago… She defended me from a bunch of guys who just… well they just weren’t really nice. So, she faced them and confronted them until they left. She always says she’s sad there was no fight involved.” Isaac tilted his head and Charlie felt compelled to add something. “I know she’s not exactly Hulk so you might ask how she made a bunch of guys leave… well, she’s been doing some kind of boxing and stuff so…”

“So you moved in with here?”

“Well, people you live with are hopefully a support for you; right? And she’s much more that than my parents are at the moment. Especially my dad. So, yeah. I did.”

“Sounds like a feel good movie to be honest. But like… probably written by straights so you’d end up with her in the end.”

“It could be one of your books.”

Isaac laughed like he had heard the most stupid thing. 

“Movie. Definitely movie. It would be called… The Boy Who Didn’t Know The Sea. It’s a good title. Sounds deep, and yet, it actually just means you’re a dumbass.”

With protests, Charlie ended up laughing with Isaac. To be fair, he wasn’t wrong so he couldn’t hold that against him. 

“I know the sea, I just didn’t know where it was.”

“It’s worst. And not a good title.”

Isaac’s phone started vibrating but he just pushed it from the bed like he wanted to forget it ever existed. Eventually, it stopped ringing. Isaac didn’t say anything but knew it was most likely Emily, probably worried and quite pissed. And he knew that his phone was probably also a warzone by now, bombarded with angry DMs from littleleaofbrighton. 

“Let’s just write the movie then. And add your character.” Charlie said.

“I can be in your movie?”

“You have to. Love interest.”

They both laughed, smiling at each other, before going back to their kisses, and once again, they were inseparable. 


	22. Sunday 9:41 Archipelago

The music coming from the kitchen woke Charlie up. A quick look at the alarm clock on his bedside table told him that it was too early for a Sunday morning. He would never understand when exactly Evie sleeps. She goes to bed at unholy hours and then wakes up with the rooster. 

He turned around and realised that the bed beside him was empty. And cold. He rubbed his eyes to try to wake himself up and looked again at the ruffled sheet. He didn’t dream that Isaac was there. He knew as much, but now… he was gone. 

Charlie straightened up and looked around the room but his shoes were gone. He was about to get up when he noticed a little piece of paper on Isaac’s pillow. He immediately remembered the last note that he left him, which was now pinned on the board above Charlie’s desk. 

He took the little note and smiled at the handwriting. Sure, it didn’t explain why he choose to leave without telling him but… there was that at least. And he couldn’t be mad at him, that note was adorable and would definitely end up on the board with the other. 

Putting the note on his bedside table, Charlie got up and put a shirt back on. Then, he left his room and went to the kitchen, where Evie was reading, moving to the music, while her sister was baking something.

“Oh, hey, Lie. Finally hungry?” Evie asked.

“No… Your music woke me up.”

“It’s almost 10 and you spent all yesterday sleeping, I think you’ll be fine.” She laughed. 

Charlie grabbed a yogurt in the fridge while his coffee was in the making. Evie and Winnie exchanged a look and Evie put down her book.

“So was that? Isaac, right?” She said, watching Charlie’s reaction. “We met him on his way out. Seemed nice enough.”

Charlie almost choked on his yogurt when he heard that. So he didn’t leave in the middle of the night and he saw this flatmate. Hm…

“He was at the school play thingy party, wasn’t he?” Evie added. 

“Oh yeah… He was… hm… He’s a friend. Like just a friend… He… He was drunk and couldn’t go home because of his parents so I said he could stay here.”

Evie nodded but clearly, she wasn’t too sure that was the truth. Charlie noticed her skepticism and rolled his eyes.

“Fine.”

He grabbed his coffee and went back to his room, just not ready for Evie’s interrogation and suspicious looks. 


	23. Monday 11:52 Live Love Learn

One thing that made Charlie look forward to a Monday morning was the prospect of seeing Isaac at school. He hadn’t seen him since the day before when Isaac left the flat. But he had to be at school now? Right?  
Well, apparently not. He was nowhere to be found.   
Charlie had to check the schedule of Isaac’s class in order to try to catch him outside when the lesson was over. But people left the classroom, happy to be done with the morning and to finally get to eat something. But no Isaac. Everyone, except for the teacher, was gone and Isaac never passed by.   
Afterwards, Charlie decided to go to the library. It seemed that it was Isaac’s shelter, he was there so often… But no Isaac at the library either. Sure, he could have been in so many places other than that but Charlie didn’t have the time to go around the whole school.   
Giving up his search, he grabbed a sandwich at the cafeteria before sitting down with his friends. They seemed to be in the middle of an exciting conversation, given how heated up the three of them were. None of them even seemed to pay attention to Charlie when he sat down.   
“-n’t do that! Not like that at least!” Jack said, pointing to William.  
“I’m sorry but you were so drunk you almost threw up on the train while it wasn’t even moving.”  
“Well sorry for having fun!”  
“I’m just saying there’s no way you know how things happened at that point.”  
“He’s right,” Thomas said, laughing. “If you did, you wouldn’t have tried to ask that poor girl out.”  
“She liked me, she kept smiling!” Jack defended himself.  
“I think it’s called taking the mick, but sure.” Will laughed. “You get a pass for your birthday I guess.”  
Hearing this, Charlie realised what they were talking about. Jack’s birthday in London. A birthday party he was supposed to attend, but was too busy cuddling with Isaac and discussing stars and books. He hadn’t even given it a thought all week-end.  
“Oh my word! Jack! Your birthday!” He suddenly exclaimed. “I’m so sorry! I forgot! It’s just… hm… this weekend was kind of hectic with my parent..”  
Jack shrugged, uncomfortable. He was probably hurt by Charlie’s mindlessness but he was trying to hide it. Charlie could see it in his falsely unbothered look.  
“But tell me, how was it?” He asked.  
“Great, it was a super nice night. There was this girl and… hm… you kinda had to be there.” Jack said with another shrug.  
And Charlie nodded, getting back to his food and letting them continue to debate exactly how drunk Jack was. It was understandable. He messed up, he kept messing up.  
And now his friends were in a conversation he couldn’t get into because of something he couldn’t bring himself to tell them. To each their own...


	24. Thursday 9:28 Say Something

Sitting in a corner of the library, between two selves of books on science, Charlie was working on his physics homework, ABBA playing in his ears. Eyebrows frowned, he gently slapped his cheeks to try to concentrate and give himself the courage to continue.   
Out of the blue, hands appeared in front of his eyes and he couldn’t see anything anymore, which prompted him to drop his pen. Before the person behind him could say anything about their identity, the scent of lemongrass was proof enough.   
“Guess who I am,” the person said, laughing.  
“I know it’s you, Isaac,” Charlie answered, shaking his head in amusement.   
Isaac laughed before putting a kiss on Charlie’s kiss. Looking at him sit down next to him, Charlie tried not to look too startled. But having said that, he couldn’t help but look around after Isaac kissed him. In public, like that, in a somewhat open space. He appreciated the kiss, don’t get me wrong, but his mind immediately asked whether anyone had seen that. He couldn’t risk people thinking he was gay. He felt his heart beating in his chest and sadly, he knew it wasn’t because of Isaac’s kiss. Not only at least.   
“What’s up in…” Isaac titled his head to read Charlie’s paper. “Physics?”  
“Nothing new for the world of physics, but a lot of interesting things for me.”  
Isaac nodded with a soft smile, but Charlie noticed the lifted corner of his mouth. Clearly, Isaac was withholding information and he was happy about whatever that was.  
“What?” Charlie ended up asking, watching out for a reaction.  
“I told Emily about us.”  
That was definitely not something Charlie was expecting. Not now at least. He knew that, at some point, he would have asked Isaac to do so but they still hadn’t really talked about it. What did he say? Did he tell her that they kissed? Or did he go further in his explanation? He wasn’t even that bothered that someone knew about them, about what happened the weekend before. But then… he didn’t really understand Isaac’s radio silence in the last few days.   
“Aren’t you happy?” Isaac asked him, worried about his lack of answer.  
“Yeah… Yeah I am.”  
And he was. This was a big thing in the end. Even if they didn’t really put a name on it, whatever that was, Isaac chose that over his long term relationship. It wasn’t nothing, on the contrary.  
“I’m just surprised.”  
“A good surprise?” Isaac asked, frowning.  
“Yes… I think so.”  
Isaac smiled before taking Charlie’s pen to correct a spelling error on his exercise. He stayed silent an instant before looking back at him, apparently deep in thoughts.  
“What do you think your parents would say?” Charlie interrupted his train of thoughts. He guessed, maybe wrongly that since he told his girlfriend, he would probably tell his parents at some point. Because on his side, Charlie didn’t say anything to Lea. On the contrary, he ignored her most recent messages, angry ones about how they bailed. So telling his parents was not really on the immediate to-do list.  
“I don’t know… I don’t think they’d really care that much to be honest. They kind of live in their own worlds. My dad’s a surgeon and my mum is a lawyer, they have their own stuff and don’t care what us kids are on about. But I guess they’d say they’re happy for me. What about yours?”  
“I haven’t thought about it. My dad feels guilty for making us move across the world and leaving my mum so… I think he would try to be supportive of that at least. My mum… that’s another thing…” He shrugged.  
“Why?”  
“Because she’s crazy religious and we never really talked about… you know. And she’s also just plain crazy so that doesn’t help.”  
“Crazy? What do you mean?”  
“Well she’ always been a bit paranoid and all but with the move and my dad leaving, she’s been just kind of absent and anxious all the time… I just try to avoid her when she’s like that. I can’t handle it. It’s just exhausting. You know what I mean? I know it’s not the best thing but I can’t see her like this or be around her.” He shook his head. “I lover her but… I just can’t.”  
Charlie was in his thoughts, thinking about how many messages he let on read and how many time he avoided her. When he finally looked up to Isaac, he wasn’t looking back. He passed a hand through his hair and stood up. Charlie watched him, frowning. Why was he leaving?   
“I have to go,” he just declared without any other explanation.   
He bent down towards Charlie and placed a kiss on his forehead before putting his hand on his shoulder like he didn’t really want to leave. Charlie couldn’t read his expression but he knew something was wrong. But as so often with Isaac, there was no explanation to be given. He just watched him leave, a slight pout on his mouth, sad that he didn’t get to have at least a kiss goodbye.


	25. Friday 14:41 If Only You Would Listen

A groan came from Charlie’s side. He looked up from his phone and turned his head to Evie, facepalming next to him on the bed. She had been there for a while now, saying that she was too tired to work but too stressed to sleep so now she just needed company, even if it was just doing… whatever that was. But if that helped her, outside of the occasional groan, she wasn’t bothering him.

“You’re okay? Wouldn’t it be more comfortable to be on your back?” He asked, putting down his phone.

“I like the attention.”

“What you need to do is stop living through The Office references.”

“Shut up, Pam.”

He rolled his eyes, but smiled slightly, amused.

“Where’s your Jim?”

A little startled at first, he realised pretty quickly that she was joking, just making another reference. But maybe, just maybe, this could be an opportunity to talk. A great segway to a subject he still hadn’t had the courage to talk about, except with the principal interested.

“It’s not a Jim…” He said, not daring to look at her.

“Fine. A Lea.”

“No…” He shook his head. “Not a Lea.”

Her curiosity was suddenly picked and she turned around to look at him, an eyebrow raised. But she didn’t say anything, letting him continue.

“It was never really a Lea.”

“Okay?”

“It’s an Isaac.”

Evie straightened up, apparently surprised. But Charlie could see that she wasn’t that surprised. He appreciated the fake shock nonetheless.

“Last weekend… He wasn’t there because he was drunk… We just wanted to be together and kiss and… just talk.”

“Well… that sounds like a nice Saturday.”

“It was… But… I’m not saying we’re together.”

“Yeah that’s fine.” She shrugged, leaning on the wall next to him.

“We didn’t really talk about it. But also… that doesn’t mean I’m gay,” he said, on a defensive tone.

“Yeah, okay, mate. You do you, I don’t care.”

“I mean… I’m not like that. Just because I kissed a guy doesn’t mean I’m going to start buy rainbow flags and parading around yelling everywhere that I did. It was just one guy. I’m not going to wear makeup and high heels just for that, or going to pride and stuff.”

Evie pinched her nose, shaking her head. After a long sigh, she looked up at him.

“Okay, listen and listen closely. You get to identify as whatever you want, and that doesn’t depend on what you do and how you behave. You should know better than that. Life isn’t that simple, you don’t just have straight people and gay people that dress differently,” she said, crossing her arms. “It doesn’t work like this. Sure, your sexuality can influence your behavior and personality but in themselves, they aren’t inherently connected. And those people you so desperately try to distance yourself from, they’re the reason you can tell me you kissed a guy without fearing that I’ll shun you and report you for a crime. Those people work so well and fought so hard that you can decide not to care, that you can allow yourself to be ignorant. You owe the ability to be with Isaac, and to choose whether you want to be proud to a trans women who rioted 50 years ago. You have zero right to be a dick about it.”

She stood up, her jaw clenched. Charlie had listened to every word, and with every one of them felt shame trickling down his back. Looking down and away, slumped shoulders, he pinched his lips.

“It never hurt anyone to open a Wikipedia page before saying stupid things and it’s not too late for you to do that. Now.”

“‘Vie..” he said, seeing her leaving the room.

“I don’t really want to talk right now, Charlie. Read a little and then come back.”

She left the room, closing the door behind her and leaving Charlie alone with his thoughts. He knew he messed up, just how much he didn’t grasp yet. Trying to hide himself behind excuses and stereotypes wasn’t the greatest idea, but he definitely wasn’t planning on hurting Evie. All he wanted to do right now, apart from opening Google, was talking to Isaac.

When his phone vibrated to show Isaac’s name, he thought for a second that someone read his mind. He grabbed it, looking for comfort. But that wasn’t what he found.

Instead, he got a message asking for time off. Of them. He needed time? But he was the one to seek him in the library and kiss him… Continually, trying to understand Isaac was revealing itself to be more and more complicated. He was lost, and now he was alone.

He buried his face in his pillow. Maybe if he slept until tomorrow he would forget that this day ever happened. Maybe?

As he was trying to fall asleep, another message arrived from Isaac. A poem. There he was, making things harder for him. It was like one of his notes, like the ones he pinned on his board. But this one was worst. And time, he couldn’t pin it anyway, he could only be painfully aware of its existence.

 


	26. Friday 22:58 I'm so tired...

Being lonely and being alone isn’t the same thing and Charlie was making the painful realisation of this while Jack was shaking him to “try to make him play”.  
For a friday night, they decided to have a video game play off. At first, Charlie was excited. He hadn’t had much time to spend with his friends and he messed up several parties by not showing up. He was glad they asked him to come and they could all be together. He even won a game against William. But the more the party went, and with his second beer, he realised that none of them knew what was going on in his life. They didn’t know about Isaac, about the fight with Evie. They somewhat knew for his parents, but they still thought it was his main problem, which it wasn’t. They were happy, having fun, laughing, and he was just sitting in an armchair in the corner, his beer on his laps and no motivation to participate in the fun.   
It would be easy to ask them if they could just talk about this, but he didn’t want to bother them for one. And who knows how they would react? They would first have to take in his relationship with another guy before being able to actually get into his real problems. He didn’t have the energy to do that. And even less energy to deal with the possibility of them reacting badly. Silence seemed to be the better option, even if Will kept looking at him with a worried look.   
“Look at that party!” Thomas yelled, showing them an Instagram story of people lip-syncing to a loud song.   
“Where’s that?” Jack asked excitedly.  
Hopefully far away, Charlie thought.  
“Apparently… It’s… you remember Lea’s friend? Well that’s her party, I think. It’s nearby!”  
“Then we need to go! I’m sure Charlie could get us in!”   
“Why me?” Charlie asked.  
“Because you know Lea, she’ll let us in.”  
“Not if I’m here. She hates me now.”  
“No one can be mad at that face,” Jack said, pinching his cheek. “Please! You owe all of us.”  
Charlie sighed and shrugged.  
“Okay fine.”  
After a general outburst of happiness, they all started to get ready, more or less excitedly. More being Jack, jumping around. Less being Charlie who just put his shoes back on.   
They quickly left Thomas’s flat and took a bus to the location of the party. Where they were rejected. Jack tried to argue with the guy at the door, telling him that they knew people inside and that a few more people wouldn’t matter anyway but nothing really worked. He tried to bring up Charlie and Lea but the guy still said that he had no way to know they were telling the truth.  
Charlie was already ready to give up and leave so he could go back home and sleep through the weekend. But a familiar head of curls grabbed his attention as it passed within the limited vision the door frame allowed. Isaac was here and Charlie was overcome by a wave of courage. The guy gave him ten minutes to go find someone that would grant them access after a few minutes of bargaining.   
He ran into the party, trying to find Isaac. Sure, maybe he should have tried to find someone else that would have allowed his friends in as well but he wasn’t really thinking straight. In all senses of the term. There was so many people that all those faces made him dizzy. How was he supposed to find someone in that mess?   
Before he could think that out, he felt his jacket being grabbed and pulled on. Turning around, he saw Lea. Lea, lowered eyebrows, and clenched fists. Understandably, she wasn’t happy to see him. He could get that. He didn’t want to see her either.   
“What the hell do you think you’re doing here?”  
“I’m just… My friends wanted to come… I’m sorry…”  
“Oh! So you apologise for that, but not for being an asshole last friday, uh?” She said, her jaw clenched so hard he didn’t know if she was really angry or just trying to fight off tears. Both, probably.  
“Sorry…”  
“Leave me alone, and just go!” She teared up and stepped towards him, poofing up. “You’re a liar and you need to get off my face.”  
“I’m so-”  
“Stop! I don’t bloody care about your apology,” she yelled. “I don’t are that you’re fuking gay, I care that you’re a bad person that doesn’t care when you hurt others. You don’t even care right now.”  
He wanted to defend himself but the most he could do was try to apologise again. She was right, he didn’t care. And she shouldn’t have done what he did but it was too late now.   
“I didn’t mean to…”  
“Too late. And you didn’t mean to go with me to parties and pretend to care? You didn’t mean it when you left with Isaac, uh? Liar.”  
“I didn’t… Not…. Isaac.” His shoulders slumped and he looked down.  
“Yes, Isaac… Emily told me. At least, he came back to his senses.”  
He followed Lea’s gaze and saw Isaac sat down in the back of the room. He didn’t seem sad even if he just sort of broke up with him. On the contrary, he was laughing with the person next to him that Charlie couldn’t see.   
“Maybe he realised you’re not that good of a person,” Lea said.  
He could have been offended, more than about the fact that she yelled that he was gay for all to hear. But her voice disappeared when the person next to Isaac revealed themselves to be Emily. She leaned toward him and kissed him like nothing ever happened, without a care in the world. But the worst part was that Isaac appeared quite happy about it. Or at least, he didn’t make a move to reject her.   
At this point, Lea was still talking but Charlie didn’t hear anything anymore. He needed to leave before he ends up breaking down in the middle of the party. So he made his way for the door, the music tuned out and ignoring everyone else. He clasped his hands over his head and tried not to think. He couldn’t allow himself to think.   
He got out eventually and his friends followed him into the street, confused.  
“Charlie?! Wait what happened?” Thomas asked, putting his hand on his shoulder.  
Charlie flicked his arm away. He needed to leave, to be alone.   
“Hey, mate. Calm down. What’s the matter with you?”   
As he got closer to him, Charlie pushed him away with all this strength, which made him trip and almost fall. But Charlie wasn’t around anymore to see the consequences of his actions.   
He walked around aimlessly, his arms wrapped around himself to try to distract himself from the tears forming in his eyes. He didn’t understand anything anymore.   
All seemed to go well between the two of them and suddenly, he was back with Emily, happily kissing her. How? Why? What it all just a lie? Was that his punishment for using Lea to appear straight? Was he just playing with him? Would he find out in a few days that it was all a game? A bet even?  
He was spiralling down. He knew that, he was overthinking. But he couldn’t stop. He had to understand somehow. Understand why Isaac did that to him. Why no one seemed to be able to love him, and the few times they tried, he was the one not able to love them back.


	27. Saturday 00:11 Fools

After wandering around for a while, getting lost and finding his way again, he ended up on the beach. The sounds of the waves had always been his way to find peace back home in Melbourne. The sea was his shelter and he thought that maybe he could find this kind of serenity on Brighton’s pebble beach.  
He spent quite some time trying to dry his tears, sitting on the little stones. Holding his knees, he watched the reflection of the moon in the water and listen to the waves washing on the shore. It was peaceful, it really was. But the beach was also Isaac’s place. He knew it was where Isaac came when he needed to think and be alone. He couldn’t escape the thought of him and felt the tears slowly come back. Why would Isaac go through all of that, make so much effort to just end up pushing him away and going back to his ex… or his girlfriend? Why would he tell her before breaking up with him right away? Was he just trying to make her jealous? Was all of that just a joke?  
The peacefulness of the sea was gone, just like that. He couldn’t even hang on the fact that it reminded him of Australia. This was far from being recomforting. It was just there to remind him that he wasn’t home anymore. He was on the other side of the world, without any plan of going back any time soon.   
He took the bus back to his flat, giving up on the idea that he would feel better tonight. All he could hope for was that sleep would dry his tears and at the very least make him numb. Hopefully.  
He passed through the door and noticed light in the living room. The voices coming from the TV told him that Evie was most likely still awake. He would have to go past her to reach his room and he didn’t have the energy to deal with her. She was probably still mad at him, and that didn’t improve his mood in any way.   
He wiped his tears and tried to take his courage with two hands, stepping into the room. Evie, on the couch, turned towards him, seemingly surprised to see him. Immediately, her eyebrows furrowed and she tilted her head.  
“Are you okay?”  
He was about to say yes and run to his room but the ball in his throat prevented him to do anything. His bottom lip started to quiver. Evie’s reaction was to open her arms to comfort him. He sat down next to her and started sobbing as soon as his face was against her shoulder. Caressing his hair to reassure him, she hold him against her.  
“Do you want to talk about it?”  
He shook his head. Maybe another time. Maybe inn a few days. But right now, he didn’t even know what to say. Where to begin. Isaac? Emily? Lea?   
“Is that a “I don’t want to talk at all” or a “I want you to ask questions so I can talk”?” She asked.   
“I… I don’t want to talk now.”  
“Okay. That’s okay.”  
They both stayed there without saying anything, the sound of the TV almost covering the sound of Charlie’s crying.  
“Sorry… for earlier.”  
“It’s okay. You understand now, right?” He nodded silently and she shrugged. “Then it’s okay. Don’t worry about me.”  
This prompted Charlie to continue to cry silently, still as sad as before, but relieved that there was at least one person to support him.


	28. Monday 23:40 Lost Boy

Charlie answered another of his mum’s worried text by trying to comfort her. He just wasn’t feeling his best, but he was grateful she justified his absence to the school. He was sick. That the official excuse, hence why his mum was worried about his health.  
But to be honest, he just didn’t find the courage to get up this morning and go to class. Not after what happened the Friday before.   
He didn’t know what he would do if he ran into Isaac. Clearly, Isaac had moved on, for a reason Charlie couldn’t gather. He didn’t really want to talk to him. He just didn’t. Just thinking about a confrontation made him nauseous.  
Then he would probably see his friends, with who he didn’t part on the best terms, notably Thomas almost on the ground. Charlie had tried to send him an apology but they all sounded empty and weird. Because he didn’t know what to apologise for. Pushing him, yes, but why? He didn’t know. It was an impulse, because he was sad, and blinded by anger. But he couldn’t tell him that because the cause was linked to Lea and Isaac, and he wouldn’t be able to stand the possibility that while he was this down, his friends would react badly. So as of now, he wasn’t sure what would happen when they all would meet. And the group chat was deadly silent, which didn’t help Charlie calm down. Maybe they moved on too, created another group chat and decided to shun the new weirdo that they thought was their friend. Maybe…  
As for Lea… he didn’t think about her that much. She didn’t seem to want anything to do with him, and he understood, he hadn’t been the nicest lately, especially not to her. But what she said… that he was gay… he was scared that people might have heard, or that she had said it to other people. This made going back to school such an incertain bet. He could already feel the mocking laughs, the quick looks, the whispers, all directed at him. And even if they didn’t know, he would have no way to tell.   
So he just didn’t want to go back.   
“You know you’re gonna have to leave your room at some point?” Evie said, leaning against the doorframe.  
“I know.”  
“Look, you don’t want to talk about what happened and that’s fine but whatever happened, you’re gonna have to go back to school at some point. The more you wait, the harder it will be.”  
“I don’t think so… If I wait enough, people will move on.”  
“And you will think they didn’t. I know you, you know you.”  
He shrugged. She was right. He could go back in a month and he would think that people might have moved on from the party, but would keep wondering why he was gone so long. Evie sat down next to him.  
“People don’t care that much you know. They might say one thing and it’s not nice. But the more you give them, the more they’ll talk. If you just own up to it, they’ll stop.”  
Charlie looked at her and sighed. He knew she was right, that he would have to go back tomorrow, but he didn’t want to. She opened her arms and he gladly found his place between them.  
“It will be fine, you know?” She said, rocking him to reassure him. “No matter what’s making you sad, it will get better.”  
Charlie nodded, trying to focus on her words. It will be fine. Maybe. He also thought that a week ago, trying to find Isaac, and that’s where it took him. But in a way, staying here in his thoughts doesn’t help with anything. It doesn’t make anything better, he would have to force them to be better.


	29. Tuesday 8:10 Waving Through A Window

Stepping down from his bike, Charlie locked it and put the key in his jacket’s pocket. He put his earphones in, pressing play on his Spotify playlist, tuning down the world around. He had no interest in knowing what it had to say to him, or about him.   
He arranged the hood of his grey sweat and walked towards his classroom, head down, shoulders slumped, trying to be as small as he could. If nobody realised he was here, if nobody remembered he existed, maybe no one would feel the need to gossip. The music was already tuning out any possible whispers he could have been hearing, and he refused to check if people noticed him. If he stayed in his little bubble, he wouldn’t have to care. He cared, of course. At least cared enough to put this plan in place, to wear darkish colours to avoid standing out, to walk in the shade provided by the walls on the building. He cared enough to pretend not to care.   
He passed by the window covering the wall of the study room and made the mistake to look inside. He caught a glimpse of his friends, talking over open books, but probably not about them. They were laughing, and Charlie couldn’t do anything but hope he wasn’t the butt of joke. No matter how hard he tried to ignore it, his mind kept telling him that he probably was.  
He came to realise he had stopped in his track and was staring at them when William spotted him. The other two turned towards him, not a trace of their previous laughs on their lips. William stood up, probably in the hopes of catching Charlie outside but the later made a move really quickly and was gone by the time he stepped out.   
Fleeing the courtyard, Charlie noticed Isaac, on the other side, peacefully floating in the opposite direction. He didn’t seem to notice Charlie, which he was thankful for. On one hand.  
On the other hand, he wished Isaac had paid attention to him; had noticed. Because if you’re crashing and no one was there to see it, did you really make a sound?


	30. Wednesday 12:14 Just Give Me A Reason

Charlie had decided to avoid the cafeteria, yesterday’s trip to that place had been stressful enough. He had to sit at the end on a table already occupied by another group of people. He could have tried to sit down with his friends but he had push away going to eat so much that they were already gone when he arrived. And as a new guy, he never tried to make other friends. Three people were already so much to deal with. But to be honest, he never thought he would need other friends. They had gotten along since he arrived at the beginning of the year. They had been friends for a while but were adorably pumped about welcoming a new member to their group, which really helped Charlie’s homesickness. Until now, everytime he missed Australia, he thought  _ at least I have them. _

And now he was sitting alone on a bench in the courtyard, aimlessly scrolling through his Instagram to pretend to be busy, earphones in, a half-eaten sandwich in one hand.

Once again hiding in his hood, pretending that no one else existed, he was surprised to feel someone sitting next to him. After all, the didn’t own the bench so anyone could sit next to him but he would have appreciated to be left alone. It’s not like it was the only bench. 

He glanced to his right quickly to check who it was and Isaac’s smile appeared in his vision. Had it been a week ago, he would have smiled too, genuinely, but after all that happened in the recent days,  he didn’t want to smile, he really didn’t feel like it. He looked at Isaac’s tired blue eyes, which his smile was trying to brighten up without much success. He noticed the dark circles under his eyes, and wondered whether they were new or had always been there, and just maybe under some makeup. Now he just waited for him to say a word. 

“Eating outside? In this weather?” Isaac ended up saying, which made Charlie look at the sky and shrug.

“Guess I made a choice and stood by it.”

Isaac’s smile seemed to take a toll and he looked at his hands. Charlie almost felt the courage to ask him about the kiss he witnessed at the party, and what kind of games he was playing. Almost. But he realised that it would be hard to formulate a question about this without giving away his feelings. So he just stared at him. Before their kiss, he had thought that they might be able to be just friends, but after… he didn’t think this was still possible.

“How about you finish your sandwich and we go to the library like last time?” Isaac proposed. 

“Are you s- Okay, I’d rather not.”

He stood up and walked away, not looking back at what he imagined was Isaac’s confused and probably sad face. He didn’t have the energy to pretend not to be upset and hurt. And in a way, this was his way to tell to Isaac that he couldn’t just continue to his games or whatever it was he was doing and think there wouldn’t be any consequences.


	31. Thursday 18:26 Defying Gravity

The rehearsals for the school play had started now that they had cast the roles. A rendition of the Broadway musical  _ Wicked _ was what they landed on in the end. Since no one had really saw the musical beforehand, Charlotte had made a point of going to London and by herself a ticket, to which most agreed it was unnecessary. 

Charlie had little to no idea what the play was about, but he saw Isaac helping with the music part and got to hear some of the songs. Also, Isaac posted a cover of “Defying Gravity”, which Charlie listen to several times. He helped a little with the music, wanting to be with Isaac, well until last week, but they didn’t need that many hands so he switched to the decor team, who were a little overwhelmed. In the play,  Charlotte actually seeing the play had been the worst idea since she now had high expectations for what the play would look like, and the teacher put her in charge of the organisation. 

This was the fourth rehearsal and Charlie was painting a landscape of Oz, standing on a chair, a bucket of paint on a stool next to him and a paintbrush in his hand. The whole singing and music part was going on behind him. This included Isaac, who Charlie had been quite obviously avoiding as much as possible. Yet, he knew he was sitting at the piano, just being casually beautiful, and he refused to look. Categorically.

The band started playing “Defying Gravity”, to which Charlie started to rock slightly, at last a song he knew by heart. But the song had barely started that the girl playing Elphaba seemingly got a phone call and left, ignoring Charlotte’s protestations about how they didn’t have that much time to rehearse and that they couldn’t just stop whenever. That was when it took a worse turn for Charlie. Since he was the only one actually on stage, outside of Frances who played Glinda, Charlotte grabbed him by the arm and forced him down.

“Do you know the song?” She asked.

“Well, yeah…” 

Charlie frowned, concerned about what she had in mind. She nodded, put a witch hat on his head.

“Okay. You’re Elphaba now. Sing.”

He flushed quickly, looking at Glinda with wide eyes. He was about to run a hand through his hair but remembered the hat. He crossed eyes with Isaac, which both made him more stressed, but also feel empowered. Isaac seemed to be sensible to the messages in music, maybe more than silent looks. Knowing the lyrics, it was the perfect occasion to tell him. Oh but also Charlie didn’t really know how to sing, the only times he sang was in the shower. Not exactly a performer. Charlotte gave the order to start again, from where they left off. So Glinda repeated her verse and Charlie… well Elphaba had to continue. He knew it didn’t matter how much how well he performed, he was just acting as a short-lived understudy to allow Glinda to rehearse. 

So he sang, shyly at first but he continued with more confidence, looking at Isaac both for courage and as a way to tell him  _ maybe you should listen. _ There was something quite powerful in entering Isaac’s passion and territory to show him the mistake he made, to show how he hurt Charlie. Chin up, fist clenched, he didn’t break eye contact with him. 

 

_ “Too long I’ve been afraid of _

_ Losing love I guess I’ve lost _

_ Well, if that’s love _

_ It comes at much too high a cost” _

 

Half way through the song, when he had to start singing to Glinda, he became painfully aware of all the eyes looking at him, and he lost all the previously accumulated confidence. Ripping the hat off his head, he stopped singing and got off stage. The hat ended up on a chair and Charlie started leaving the room.

“Where are you going?” Charlotte asked, a little panicked. 

“I’m not a singer.”

He was about to leave the room when he heard steps in the stairs behind him. He didn’t need to turn around to know it was Isaac as Charlotte yelled “Even the piano! Guys, c’mon!” 

Pushing the door, he only turned around in the corridor when he heard Isaac’s precipitated steps catch up to him. The concern in Isaac’s eyes was striking but Charlie clenched his jaw. He didn’t have the right to be concerned after what he did. Charlie made a few steps towards him and pointed his index at him. 

“Leave me alone,” he said on the coldest tone he could pull off right now, as he was on the verge of tearing up. 

Isaac frowned and looked down, avoiding his eyes. Maybe he understood why Charlie was like this, Charlie hoped he did, but he didn’t want to stay and find out. 


	32. Friday 10:09 Sad Season

Scrolling through Facebook, Charlie was just sitting on the floor in a corridor during the break. His feed was full of pictures of his friends back home, down under, enjoying the high season of surfing. It was getting harder and harder to be positive about being here.   
Before, he couldn’t even place Brighton on a map and all his friends made fun of him for going to gloomy England. Having to leave his surfboard and suit at his grandparents’ for a lack of place, and Charlie’s refusal to believe that he could actually surf in England. Who would want to go dipping in ice cold water? Not him. But he took everything else and sigh every time he catches a glimpse of his swim trunks at the bottom of his underwear drawer.   
When he arrived, he really did not want to be there. August and that’s what Brighton calls a summer? Right. He never left his house, like his lack of awareness of the presence of the sea showed. He played video games until he had to go to school.   
He was surprised on his first day. This new guy from Australia… so many people seemed to want to be his friend. He was the cool new guy, benefiting from the stereotype of the Aussie, and from his good looks, tanned skin, blondish hair, blue eyes. He felt better. Maybe he could find a place there. It hadn’t been perfect but he did find actual friends, that stuck with him, so he eventually saw himself getting used to live here. And he met Isaac.  
That changed a lot. Put on the surface things about himself that he had been trying to ignore. For a while, he had been the happiest he had been here. Maybe ever. But this didn’t last very long, and now he was alone, pushing people away, and missing Australia more than ever.   
He felt someone sit down next to him and for a second, he thought he would have to tell Isaac off once more. But he turned his head to see Charlotte.  
“If you’re here to talk about yesterday, I’m sorry,” he said, shrugging.  
“Nah… You were already a good sport. I did kinda force you.”  
“Kinda…”  
“Yeah… But you weren’t bad.”  
“You say that like you’re so surprised,” he laughed, shaking his head.  
“I was! You were also...hm… pretty intense, uh…”  
Right… It finally hit Charlie that while he was on stage, all the others saw him staring at Isaac. At the time, he didn’t feel like he could do it any other way. Now, he realises the mistake, but shrugged to dismiss it. Charlotte stayed silent for a second before sighing like was resigned.  
“Can I ask you a question?” She asked shyly, to which Charlie answered with a slight nod. “I’ve heard a rumour, about you… and Isaac…”  
Charlie froze. He was really not expecting that. A rumour? From who? Of course, Lea, who switched to the costume team, could have just told her. They knew each other after all, but this didn’t make this any kind of comforting. Why did she know? He just hated the idea so much that people had made their opinions on him, when he wasn’t sure of his own opinion of himself.   
“You don’t have to answer or anything, you know… It’s your life. But it’s cool if you’re gay.”  
Swallowing with difficulty, he stayed silent. Was it? Was it cool? Was he? Was he gay? Yeah, okay, that yeah, even if it was still a new thing to actually think it, to associate the word to him. Was it cool? So far, it hadn’t been all fun and rainbows so… he couldn’t really tell.  
“I just thought you should know I heard that… Lea told me. I don’t know how many people know but I figured you might appreciate to be one of them…”  
Muttering a small thanks, Charlie was playing nervously with his hands. It was maybe worst than he thought. He thought he would have more time to figure things out by himself before having to deal with the world.  
“I can’t do much but… I hope you can talk to someone, you know… because maybe you should.”  
He was going to thank her again but the bell rang and she stood up quickly. He watched her disappear within the crowd of students that flooded the corridor, answering her goodbye wave. Yes… Maybe he should.


	33. Friday 16:23 This Is Me

“Boo!” William said, putting his hands in front of Charlie’s eyes.  
Charlie jumped, surprised. He knew who that was, but he didn’t hear him come. To be fair, the park was quite busy at that time of the day and anybody could have just been wandering around. William sat down on the bench next to him and Charlie took out his earphones.   
“You wanted to talk to me?” Will asked.   
That he did. He did ask for a word with him and they settled for this late afternoon, in the park close to their school. Charlie didn’t want to talk about it at school. It would be risky, people could hear. At least, the people around them now didn’t care about them and what they were talking about. They were just two teenagers. The fact that one of them was shaking didn’t even matter to them. William had noticed, however, and he knew it wouldn’t be an easy discussion.   
“I… I wanted to apologise. I know I was weird lately, and just… just generally not a good friend.”  
“Right… I won’t say the contrary. You were odd, mate. But we’re all worried. You always look knackered, you barely say a word. We don’t really dare talking to you, you’ve been so narky. But… we all get that something is wrong, that’s pretty clear. We figured you’d rather be alone until you sort things out.”  
“Yeah…” He said with a slight nod. “It’s a… You’ll probably find it stupid but… It’s because of someone I like… Maybe even a bit more… but…” He didn’t finish his sentence, biting nervously the inside of his cheek, waiting for Will’s reaction, which happened to be mostly a frown.  
“Okay. I won’t lie, mate, it does sound a little out of the blue but… I’m sure you have your reasons. Who is it? Lea?” He turned towards him, thoughtful, and Charlie shook his head.   
“No… Not her. Hm… Not…” He paused for a second under William’s weirdly knowing look. “Not a girl.”  
Playing with his fingers, Charlie looked for his friend’s reaction. Until now, everything was a given, it was things William knew about. Will nodded slowly before rubbing his hands together, still silent, which made the little Aussie worried.   
“You don’t seem surprised…” Charlie said. That was his observation. No furrowed brows, no confused looks. Was it that obvious?  
“Would you prefer me to be surprised?”  
“I don’t know actually... I guess I just thought you’d be…” He shrugged.  
“So it’s not a girl… Is it me?” He asked with a laugh.  
“Not with that hair,” Charlie replied, happy to be able to laugh with his friend again.  
“You’re the worst. Okay. Is it Tom? Jack?”  
“No!”  
They both laughed, which made Charlie feel more confident about that discussion. It was far from the anger or misunderstanding he had expected. It wasn’t too bad.  
“Well, that narrow it down. Do you even know any other guy?” William said, scratching an invisible beard.   
“Yeah...hm… remember the guy who brought me back my scarf?”  
“Oh! Him! The “he’s no one” guy. You cheeky liar,” William laughed. “Seems nice enough. So you two are together?”  
Charlie’s smile dropped and he looked down.Will put a hand on his shoulder to try to reassure him a little.  
“I guess that’s a no… Well…”  
“He has a girlfriend.”  
“And he chose her instead of you? He doesn’t know what he’s missing.”  
Charlie looked up at William, a slight smile. All week he thought he was alone, that people would just reject him. After all, isn’t that what Isaac did? But he seemed to have imagined the enemies.  
“I gotta tell you something, though,” Will said slowly, which brought back Charlie’s worries. “I knew… I already knew about… you.”  
“You mean you guessed?” Charlie asked, confused. What could he mean by that? He didn’t think it was obvious by any mean.  
“No… Okay, I heard about it and… it somewhat made sense you know. I didn’t know if it was true but there are rumours. I thought you would have told us so I didn’t believe it at first. But…” He shrugged, looking at him. “I told them to stop spreading stupid rumours. It’s just.. kind of unfair that they decided it was their to tell.”  
Again this rumours thing… It caught up to him so much quicker than he expected. He hoped he could at least be the first to tell the people close to him, but he was apparently too late.  
“Sorry… I should have told you I was gay before.” He quickly realised the words he used. Gay. That was the first time he actually said it to refer to himself. “It’s weird saying it out loud.”  
Weird, yes, but he also felt better. A lot better. Almost empowered.  
“No… Okay, maybe I would have liked to know but… it’s fine. It’s your thing,” He said with a smile. “You know what? I’m getting cold. Let’s get a cuppa somewhere and you can catch me up with what happened with you.”  
Charlie watched him stand up, pass a hand through his hair and make a head gesture to tell him follow him, which he did. He didn’t expect to be that understood, but he even less expected that everything would be like before. Or almost everything. Some of the weight on his shoulder was gone, floating as Brighton’s wind was coming up.


	34. Saturday 18:42 Middle of A Heartbreak

After spending the day working a project due in two weeks to avoid having to think about… things, Charlie pushed Evie’s door. She was sitting at her desk, her computer open on a software where she was apparently creating a house. She turned around on her chair when she heard the door, her brown hair tied at the top of her head in a bun she clearly didn’t put much effort it.   
“What’s up, ‘Lie?” She asked, tilting her head to the right.  
Charlie sighed and let himself fall onto her bed, burying his face in her blanket.  
“Okay… Not you anymore.” She laughed. “Tell me. Tell your wise guru.”  
“Can’t find them,” Charlie answered, looking at her, with a slight laugh. “They’re not here.”  
“Out, you sneaky rat.”  
He smiled innocently and she shook her head in fake exasperation. She stood up and sat back down next to him on her bed.   
“So, what’s up? What’s the hot goss?” She asked, which made him laugh.  
“I told William.”  
“So?”  
Charlie turned around to be able to see her, resting on his back.  
“He took it really well but… he told me he already knew… Not guessed. He knew…”  
“What do you mean?”  
He stayed silent for a few seconds, his throat closing up. He tried to swallow but his saliva felt like sandpaper. He shrugged, as if this was going to make it matter less. To make it easier. he quickly realised it wouldn’t be the case when he voiced cracked unexpectedly.   
“L- There’s… this rumour… he heard it… about me… I didn’t even get to tell him… on my own terms, you know… I didn’t get to tell anyone…”  
He passed a hand on his face to dry his watering eye. Evie looked at him, speechless, not knowing what to do or say. She ran a hand through his hair.  
“It’s going to be fine, ‘Lie. People won’t care for long… “  
“But… Until yesterday,” he replied, tearing up. “I couldn’t even call myself gay, yet everyone at school was doing it…”  
“I know but what matters is what you’re doing for you.”  
“It doesn’t even matter…” He wiped his tears, letting Evie play with his hair in an attempt to reassure him. “I did that for Isaac and he’s still with his girlfriend…”  
“Listen. First of all, Isaac is doing a big mistake, that’s for sure. And he will realise that probably too late and that’s his problem. Second of all… or maybe more like… following this, you didn’t do it for him. Maybe it seemed like that but… I don’t know how all of this will plan out but he seems to stick with his girlfriend. His loss. However, you. Well you, now you know yourself much better. You’ll come out of this with so much more than you think. You’ll move on and you’ll be amazing. Like… what do they say again… like a little piece of coal. Now you feel the pressure, but later you’ll be a diamond.”  
“I’m not a diamond.”  
“Listen to me! I said not yet. But you will see. I’m always right.”  
Charlie looked at her with a slight smile, still unconvinced but at least feeling a little bit better. It probably won’t prevent him to getting himself sick and worried but at least not right now. She laid down next to him and whipped out her phone.   
“Okay, you know my solution to my problems, yeah?”  
“That Chalamet guy?”  
“Yup! And now you don’t even have to pretend he’s not incredible.”  
He shook his head, laughing while she showed him pictures of the actor on her Instagram, discussing features and angles.


	35. Monday 13:35 Someone Else

A twisted stomach and stingy, sleepy eyes were the worst combination for paying attention in class. Charlie was sure he was falling ill. It wouldn’t be surprising given the numerous times he went outside without a scarf because he thought that “it wasn’t that windy”. Breaking news, coastal cities tend to be windy and Brighton was no exception. Charlie learned it the hard way, and yet still forgot his scarf, action which Evie often thought deliberate and most definitely a fashion choice. 

“You look bloody pale, mate,” Thomas said, looking worried at his neighbouring classmate. “You’re not going to faint, are you now?”

Charlie shook his head but felt somewhat nauseous, not exactly the answer he was going to give. Thomas raised his hand and told the teacher that Charlie most definitely needed to go to the school nurse. His face was proof enough that he wasn’t feeling well, so the teacher agreed to let him go. He gathered his things and left the classroom with Thomas, who left him once he got a note from the nurse to go back to class. Charlie sat down on in front of her, under her scrutiny.

“So, tell me, what’s your problems?” She asked, leaning forward. He was surprised by her Welsh accent, which he had only heard on TV until now. “Or at least what brings you here. I know teens have a lot of problems, and that’s okay you know? It’ll get better! However, you must be here for a specific reason if you’ve been excused from class. Or so I assume. But you can also talk about your other problems, that’s why I’m here!”

She pointed to a poster on her wall that stated in capitals KEEP CALM AND LET THE SCHOOL NURSE HANDLE IT. Reassuring.

“Uh… I think I’m just sick.”

“Why is that?”

“Bacterias?” He said, frowning. “Viruses?”

“Thank you for the information. Why do you think you’re sick is what I meant.”

“I can’t sleep well so I’m really tired, I feel nauseous, my stomach hurts…”

“Are you saying this because you want to go home?”

“No!”

“Fine. I will give you something, you’ll take a nap and then we will see how you feel.”

Charlie nodded and took what the nurse gave him. She then lead him to the room next door where there were two beds for sick students. 

“So be quiet, someone is already in there.”

It didn’t matter, Charlie just wanted to get some rest, if that was possible. Hopefully, he could. Maybe. The other person didn’t matter, as long as they were also quiet. 

They stepped in the room, in the almost darkness of the closed curtains, and Charlie went for the free bed. The nurse left the door slightly open, just in case. He put his stuff at the bottom of the bed and took off his shoes. Lying down under the sheet, he turned his head to the other bed and regretted it immediately. He would have preferred not knowing. 

Isaac was lying in the bed next to him, sleeping apparently peacefully. Even asleep, he looked tired, like he didn’t get to rest for a week. Looking at him still hurt, but Charlie was glad that he was finally able to sleep, even if it might prevent him to do the same. 

He couldn’t look away. Isaac could wake up at any moment and see him but it didn’t matter. He looked too peaceful. Too beautiful, with his brown locks spread on the pillow and his calm expression. He moved in his sleep and Charlie quickly looked at the ceiling. 

The sudden move made him more nauseous and he decided to try to rest. It would be nice if he didn’t wake Isaac up by emptying the content of its stomach. Not the best impression.

 

When he woke up, sometimes later, feeling finally rested and overall better, he rubbed his eyes and looked around. The bed next to him was empty and made, so it had been a while. He didn’t really like the fact that this meant that Isaac got to see him asleep in that bed. He didn’t want him to think, or know, that he wasn’t feeling great. He looked at the time. He had been sleeping for more than half and hour. He could go back to class right now, and probably should. 

He straightened up, putting his hands on the mattress to stay up. He heard it before he felt it. The crumpling of paper. Charlie looked down at his hand, which cover a small note. The now familiar kind of notes. Isaac’s notes. 

He took the note to read it, realising that Isaac had to have written it right here and there, while he was asleep. Song lyrics. It was a song he didn't know but t he small crinkled note made him sad, reminding him of how much he actually missed him. And how much he just couldn’t go back to him.

_"Little kiss, and then goodbye,_

_story of love, told with anger and lies,_

_I'll change your heart, a heavy start,_

_As they run the alarms,_

_We are too far apart,_

_A heavy start."_

-Someone Else, Crying Day Care Choir.


	36. Monday 14:06 What A Day

“Where were you?” Sophia asked as Charlie sat down, crumpling up the excuse note he got from the nurse for being late. It was just a few minutes but it took him a moment to decide whether he wanted to go to class. He didn’t want to miss Physics. That was the one class he didn’t want to miss.   
“Nursery.”  
“You’re okay?”  
“Now yes.” He shrugged. He wasn’t really feeling that much better. His stomach still felt twisted and he had the impression that someone was repeatedly hammering his head. Maybe he should have stayed at the nursery but she might have sent him home. Officially, his home was still with his mother, so they would most likely have called his mum to pick him up and right now, that didn’t seem like such a good idea right now. She would ask him about his life, about how he was doing and how school was going and he didn’t feel like answering questions right now. Or lying about everything. Isaac. The rumours… He didn’t want to lie anymore, even though he wasn’t ready to be honest about the truth right now.   
Sitting next to Sophia didn’t make him feel better. They usually get along quite well. Really well even. Being fond of science had brought them together and they became friends, each of them helping the other in their respective favorite subject, biology for Sophia and Physics for Charlie, and they both hold on as they could in English. But since their last discussion, he wasn’t exactly excited to talk with her again. He understood more and more Evie’s reaction to his own misspoken words.   
Now, he wasn’t even looking at her, falsely focused on the board. Last time they spoke, it wasn’t about him, it was about Isaac, someone he supposedly just barely knew. Given that Charlotte heard the rumour first hand, there was just no doubt in his mind that Sophia had to know. She had to have heard the rumours and she probably already made up her mind about him.   
“I wanted to apologise,” she said, after a few minutes of silence, at Charlie’s surprised. He turned towards her, almost scared. “About what I said last time.”  
“Oh… it’s…”  
“Don’t say it’s okay. It’s not. I was wrong.” She shrugged. “When I heard the rumour… I think you know… I decided to make some research. I found several articles that explained the importance of homosexuality, not only for humans but in general… Lots of things I didn’t know, that I didn’t think about. I sent you the links but I wanted you to know I was wrong.”  
“I… thank you. For saying that.”  
“I’m not just saying it to make you feel better. It’s part of it, sure. But I think it’s important to admit when you’re wrong, especially on important beliefs like that. So I admit it. I was wrong.”  
“But… your religion is still against it, isn’t it?”  
“I hasn’t always been. It wasn’t against it at all before. But people’s minds change. They started to see homosexuality as a abnormality, but this has little to do with Allah. So, all that prejudice and bigotry , it comes from people, hiding their bias under religion. It’s not only Islam. It’s everywhere. However, what Islam says is that you’re not a true believer unless you wish the same things for the others that you wish for you,” she said, looking at him with determination. She meant what she was saying, with all her heart and mind. He could feel it. “It says that you should love Allah and Allah’s creatures, and treat them in the best way possible, and be kind and just and helpful. If people say otherwise, they should read more and rethink, because that’s not Islam.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slow upload speed but I'm writing my thesis right now so it will be quite slow for a month or so. Thank you for your patience.


	37. Wednesday 22:10 Goodnight Moon

Closing the door behind him, Charlie leaned against it, eyes shut. He sighed. Yet another day gone by. It had been a somewhat normal day, nothing really stuck out. In fact, he could barely remember what he did. He had vague memories of sitting into class, listening, or rather pretending to listen, to the teachers. He had lunch with his friends.

He remembered William vaguely asking about Isaac when they were in the queue. He had nothing to say about that. He hadn’t seen him in a while. He remembered looking at Jack and Thomas and wanting to tell them, yet his lips feeling so shut, glued down. He just wanted them to know. Maybe soon. Of course, this was Jack and Thomas we’re talking about so it’s not that they would be of great advice, but he really wanted them to know. There was no reason they would react so differently from William but he just had to go past his apprehension. It was coming, just not yet.

“Are you going to stay like that long?” Evie asked, taking off her shoes. 

She had picked him up right after school so they could eat out for once. Charlie protested at first, saying he really wasn’t in the mood. And that was exactly why Evie insisted. She had seen him in the last week coming home from school and laying on the couch, mindlessly watching TV, or staying in his room, shifting between burying himself in his homework or hiding in his bed. He had stopped biking around and used his bike only for school. His problem with Isaac, only those two could fix it. But Evie promised herself that she would try to cheer him up as much as she could. Sure, a little restaurant might not be the solution but a burger can’t hurt. 

If he wasn’t the happiest he has ever been, he smiled at least four times. That was the goal, to distract him. Afterwards, she took him to the cinema. He seemed to like the movie but he also had a lot to say about it. Evie didn’t, but it was nice hearing him talk about something so excitedly after quite a while of quick, uninterested answers. Also, fingers crossed, the walk back from the cinema tired him enough that he would just fall asleep. Hopefully. 

“Thanks for tonight,” he answered, opening his eyes.

“You’re welcome, love. Now go to bed.” She tousled his hair before letting him go to his bedroom. “Good night.”

“ ‘Night!”

He closed the door behind him and turned on the light. Immediately, something felt different. He knew that his room wasn’t so tidy when he left for school that morning. It wasn’t perfect but he could see that the clothes he had left on the floor had been quickly put in his laundry basket, the papers on his desk put into a messy pile. And his bed was made. Maybe this was part of Evie’s effort to make him feel better. It was nice of her if that was the case. But he noticed something that changed his guess. 

A little note resting on the book on his bedside table. 

He knew that kind of notes too well by now to pretend to guess where it came from. Isaac. It was obviously from him. But how did he even get in here? And why? Why go to this extent for a note?

“ _ It’s gonna be messy. Maybe right now you won’t understand why it’s happening. But wait for a while because then, the stars will appear and you’ll know why the darkness was needed” _

_ -f.e.marie _

 

Holding the note in his hand, he let himself fall on his bed. He yawned and, after closing his eyes for a moment, decided to indulge in his favourite activity: staring at the ceiling. It would probably not help him make things clearer, definitely not. But maybe it would help him empty his mind, help him stop wondering why was Isaac doing all of this, playing those kinds of games. 

But something on the ceiling attracted his attention really quickly. He stood up on his bed to grab the little post-it. Once again, that was Isaac’s handwriting. Charlie was more and more confused about his intentions. “ _ Listen to the link I sent you, lie down, turn off the lights and look up.” _

He was suspicious, but what was the harm in that? He could probably come up with a list of the harm there could be in that but at that moment, he didn’t want to even try. He was tired, but he had a really good evening, a fun time with Evie and he didn’t want to end this day in a bad mood. 

So he opened the link Isaac had sent him a few hours ago and that he just ignored. He didn’t even open the message at the time, trying to focus on his evening with Evie. It led him to Isaac’s channel, to his new cover,  _ Goodnight Moon. _

The video started on its own and for a few seconds, Charlie just listen. The other instructions stayed at the back of his mind, but he was just slowly realising how much he had missed Isaac’s voice. Unlike his usual video style, it wasn’t a video of him, playing the guitar in front of the camera and singing his heart out. It was a hyperlapse video of his window seal, the light changing behind his little cactuses and a cardboard little Swedish house. Clearly, Isaac didn’t want Charlie to focus on the video itself, what matter here was the music.

Charlie put down his phone on his bedside table and laid on his bed as instructed and turned off the light. 

He didn’t believe it at first but he had to trust his eyes. In front of him, the ceiling had lit up. So many little phosphorescent stars of so many different sizes were scattered above his head. There were so many he couldn’t count them. His eyes, going from one star to the next, started to water with the sound of Isaac’s voice in the background. And all he could think was  _ he remembered _ . He remembered Charlie’s stories about his depressing white ceiling that seriously made him homesick. He remembered his nostalgia about his old starry ceiling back in Australia. He remembered. But not only did he remember, but he also did all of that. Probably thanks to Evie’s help, but he did go through all that effort to make him feel better. 

After all, maybe there was a reason for the darkness and the stars are just waiting for their time to shine. Maybe everything isn’t bad. Maybe everything will be okay.


	38. Wednesday 8.42 Words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update. I finished my thesis and passed, and then I had to move. But I'm back, and I will try to upload consistently from now on :)

Not everything was okay just yet, but for the first time in a week, he woke up with a smile on his lips at the sight of all those stars on the ceiling, shining a little less in the morning light filtering through the closed curtains.   
Last night, after the end of the song, he got up to ask Evie about all that, hoping that Isaac wasn’t a creepy guy who decided to break in their apartment. It could have been. But she explained how Isaac showed up at the door, a little bag in his hands. He was too excited for his own good, she said, and at first, his plan was to just give Charlie the bag and let him figure out its content. But since the later was in class, obviously, he asked Evie to put it in place. However, she didn’t have the time, according to her, even though Charlie reckoned she was probably being lazy. So, she let him in. She was nice enough to quickly tidy his room, which was a mess, before letting Isaac into Charlie’s safe haven.   
“Why did you let him in? After… everything,” he ended up asking. He wasn’t mad, but he was a bit distraught. This happened to soothe him and make him feel better but he could have reacted so badly as well and it could have undone all his progress. She took a bet, a dangerous one.   
“Listen, you can be mad and shit but he was pretty convincing. And I’ve seen how you’ve been all that time. You’re bloody miserable, you can’t tell me otherwise. You two need to talk. This way, you at least can’t avoid it.”  
“I already can’t avoid it.”  
“Yeah, okay. But now, you saw him try. We went through all of this trouble to do this for you, he has to care.”  
He has to care. Charlie had been thinking about that very sentence since it left Evie’s lips. Did he? Probably at least a little. But this wasn’t the main problem on his mind when he stepped off his bike and into school that morning.   
There was still so much to deal with but now, it appeared less scary, less like Mount Everest and more like a steep but small hill. Still intimidating but climbable. Scary, yes, but he was determined to at the very least start climbing. Mending and clarifying things with Isaac came last, this was the top of the mountain. The only thing he couldn’t see past, the only thing he didn’t know what would happen after. Or during for that matter. There were steps before that.  
He thought of starting with Lea, as he had a word to have with her. Several words actually. Some might contain an apology and others might not be so kind. At least they would be kinder than if he left her to Evie’s mercy, which she offered. But Lea wasn’t a priority. She wasn’t even an obligation. He’ll see about that later. His first steps had to be with his friends.   
“Hey, man!”   
William’s voice stopped him in his track. He waited for him to join him and gave him a smile as a hello.   
“Ain’t that a smile?” He laughed happily as Charlie nodded. “I’m glad to see that you feel better.”  
“I do… I think I do.”  
“Anything to do with your lad?”  
“Isaac? Partly… I mean a little. But it’s not that.” He shrugged. “I decided to tell them, Thomas and Jack. About me I mean.”  
“Wait? For real, mate?” Will asked, stopping in his track.  
Charlie nodded once more with more determination. Yes, for real. He couldn’t wait anymore, he needed them to know, but he needed them to hear it from him. His coming out to them couldn’t happen the way it did with Charlotte or William or Sophia or the rest of the school for that matter. They weren’t the most social people: they enjoyed partying but they barely hang out with anyone outside their little friend group, which suited the four of them. If they already knew, they would either have mentioned it to William or tried to talk to Charlie directly.   
“And… I also need to apologize…” he admitted. William shrugged and put his arm around Charlie’s shoulders.  
“Yeah, I guess you do, mate. Especially to Thomas. But they ain’t mad, ya know? We were all just worried.”  
“I know… How do you think they’ll react?” Charlie sighed, nervous. This was the only thing that prevented him to just go up to them and talk, finally talk.  
“Well, I can’t say for sure but there’s no way it’ll be as bad as your little mind makes it up to be,” he said with a wink, which comforted Charlie a little in his decision. It was made now, he was going to tell them.   
Both Jack and Thomas appeared around the corner, sitting on a table in the courtyard. They waved at William before seeing Charlie, walking behind him, almost hiding. This turned their smiles into worried looks, with a hint of awkwardness. What was going to happen now? Charlie approached timidly, slumped shoulder, under Will’s encouraging gaze.   
“Hey… Hm... “ he started, playing with his fingers nervously once he arrived in front of them. “I wanted to apologize… For everything you know. Like being the absolute worst friend and not being here… and Thomas for pushing you at the party.”  
Jack and Thomas looked at each other before sighing. Thomas stood up and walked towards Charlie. He put his hands on his shoulder and smiled at him.  
“I’m just glad you’re back,” he said before hugging him quickly.   
“Yeah! I just hope you’re off your bullshit!” Jack added from the table, which earned him protest looks from William and Thomas. “What?! Seriously, man, I’m glad you’re back but like, I just don’t want all that to happen again.”  
The three of them looked at him, a bit surprised. It wasn’t exactly like this kind of remark was Jack’s usual comments. And this made Charlie realize how affected he must have been by all this. He must have thought about it for a while, asked himself what was wrong, and that was a lot more effort than he usually does for anything. It was sad for Charlie to make such an observation. He doubted those people. His friends. He doubted them, thought they would leave him behind for being who he is, or simply because they just didn’t like him enough.   
“It won’t… I mean, I’ll do my best so it won’t,” he said, looking at him, Thomas’ arm around his shoulder. “But… I have something to tell you…”  
“An explanation?” Jack asked.  
“Hm… Somewhat I guess. It's… It's mostly why I was this weird… hm…" He looked at William for courage and he received a nod with a smile. After a sigh, he blurted “I met someone.”  
“Lea? I thought th-”   
“No… Not Lea. Just… let me speak, please.” Charlie swallowed with difficulty and started playing nervously with his hands again. “And the reason I didn’t tell you guys before is that… well… It’s a guy. And I needed to come to term with that before I could tell you.”  
Looking at their reactions, he found himself holding his breath in apprehension. He was almost expecting Thomas’ arm to leave his shoulder, either in surprise or in disgust. It was unfair of him since there never really did anything to make him think they would do such a thing, but he couldn’t help himself. But nothing like that happened. William was looking at Charlie like a proud dad, happy that he finally told them. Thomas just nodded but did not move his arm. If anything, he hugged Charlie a bit more.  
“So you’re gay?” Jack ended up asking. “Or… what is it… bi?”  
Of course, Charlie was expecting that kind of question. He had been asking it to himself for a while now, so why wouldn’t they upon receiving this new information? He shrugged. Not that long ago, he would have denied it with all he has, probably like he did with Evie, saying it was only Isaac, and that it didn’t mean anything. But this was not his conclusion anymore, it will never be his conclusion anymore.   
“Yeah. I guess I’m gay,” he answered. “I mean… I am, I’m just also pretty new at using the term.”  
“That’s cool, man.” Jack smiled, clearly unsure of what more to say. But seeing how often he messed up by speaking without thinking or knowing what he was talking about, he prefered not to say anything. Just in case. But just those few words and that smile was more than Charlie had hoped for, so he was over the moon.   
“So who is he?” Thomas turned slightly towards Charlie to look at him, smirking.   
“What?”  
“Who’s the guy you met? Tell us! Oh and also, man, when will we meet him?”  
“Technically, you’ve already met him. It’s… You remember the guy who brought back Will’s scarf? Well, that’s him?”  
“Oh! That guy! I’d say good choice, but we need to investigate! Know more!”  
At his excitement, Charlie laughed. He was so happy to realise that he had really no reason to be worried. But now, it was even sadder that he had no one to present them. At least, if they reacted badly, he could have just say that it was over anyway, but now they were happy for him and he didn’t have anything to show for it.  
“We’re not together…” he admitted with a sigh. “He has a girlfriend.”  
“Okay, done then. I don’t like the guy,” Thomas said, shaking his head.   
They obviously asked for more details, for a complete story. What happened? Which moments coincided with his weird periods? And he wanted to tell them everything, but not here and not now, he wouldn’t have the time and oh is it a confusing story. What would they say about the kiss? And the rumours? And the notes? And the starry ceiling? Himself was really confused about everything and that doesn’t make for a very reliable narrator. Sure, they weren’t looking for a reliable narrator, they were looking for Charlie’s version, but later.  
“Well, I say we need to plan a night all together. You definitely need like, a chill night,” William proposed.  
“That’s on me!” Jack exclaimed, jumping on his feet. “It’s not a Charlie-level of announcement but I have something to say! My aunt has a house in Bath and she’s on vacation to Canada so she told my mum that we could use her house. We could go this weekend. Like, we just need to water the plants.”  
There was little space for hesitation. Although William needed to ask his apparently overprotective mother, they were all pumped about the idea of a weekend away together. And of course, to finally hear Charlie’s story and have him back. Even if they needed to water the plants.


	39. Friday 14.02 Follow

Charlie had to remember that Isaac never actually explained anything or apologized. Waking up to see the stars on his ceiling every morning and going to sleep to them every night had warmed him up to the idea of at least talking to Isaac. Even just the idea of Isaac.  
The image he had of him got shattered when he witnessed that kiss out of blue at the party. Of course, he also had to rationalize. He did kiss him while he was still with Emily. If he was ready to cheat on a long term relationship like that, why would it be different for a week-long one? Why did Charlie expect anything else? They actually never talked about what they were, if they actually were anything at all to him. Maybe having never been in a relationship meant that Charlie went a bit fast in his head, thinking they were more than they actually were. Not exactly a good experience so far, but he was a little more determined now to figure out how this could turn either into a good experience or at the very least a good lesson.   
He finished packing his clothes for the weekend in his backpack, along with some books so he could pretend he would find time to study and some snacks he thought his friends would appreciate. As he was about to close the door and leave for the train station, he walked back to his bed and reached for the ceiling. He grabbed one of the stars from the ceiling and put in his pocket. Why? He didn’t know exactly. Did he just want to bring to Bath a little bit of the comfort those provided for him or did he want a piece of Isaac with him there? Charlie preferred not to think about the reason, or rather not admit it to himself. At the very least, getting away from Brighton might give him time to think it through. Maybe.  
After meeting at the station, they all jumped on the train, and Charlie snatched the seat near the window. In three hours, they would be in Bath with a whole house for themselves. Excited as they could be, they were already planning to do way more than they would have time for, games, visits and parties. One of Jack’s cousin might have a party going on that night and the group of friends might be invited. It was a lot of maybes, not exactly surprising coming from Jack, but they were hopeful; it was, after all, one of their only chance of getting a party with alcohol. The few beers they manage to take with them weren’t much.   
“Man, I’ll beat y’all asses at Fifa tonight,” Thomas said, enthusiastically.   
“Yeah, right, you can hope.” William laughed as they continued to argue, even discussing bets and prizes. Charlie couldn’t help but smile. Being part of those conversations, laughing with them without having to worry about them finding out, he missed that so much. If he was ready to make peace with Isaac, it was partly because of this. No matter what happens, he would have people to fall back on, friends that would be there to support him no matter what. And he was so glad to have that, to be there, that he was smiling like an idiot.   
Leaning against the window, about an hour and a half into the trip, Charlie closed his eyes, trying to find some sleep in between of his friends’ loud talks. Slipping his hands into his jacket’s pocket, he played with the small star between his fingers, which he imagined glowing.   
But then, he felt a piece of paper at the bottom. He dropped the star and caught the paper, which he didn’t recognize at all. He didn’t know how that got here but he knew where it was from; the handwriting was familiar by now. Isaac. He had to have slipped it in during the rehearsal that morning.   
“What’s that?” Thomas said, looking over Charlie’s shoulder. “If you want me, I am here. If you need space, I am gone.” Is that from Isaac?”  
Charlie simply nodded.  
“What’s that doing in your pocket?” William asked.  
“I don’t know, I just found it.” He shrugged. “I… I don’t want to talk about it. Not now.”  
William, Jack and Thomas exchanged a worried look. They knew he only acted like everything was okay. Sure, things were going better, but they would need to talk about all of that. After all, aren’t friends meant to help, especially with an overly complicated relationship?  
“You’re right. You said later, but this has to be later soon,” Thomas said.  
“Later.”


	40. Friday 17.17 End of the Day

“No, but like, I swear my cousin’s party is gonna be the bomb!” Jack said, leaning back in his armchair.   
All sitting in the living room, they opened beer cans and enjoyed them while discussing tonight’s plans. There was Jack’s cousin having his party, of course, and while this was the main plan before they left, three hours on the train and making their beds had somewhat exhausted them. So now, the question was whether or not they would actually make it to the party or if they would just stay in and play video games. Jack was in favor of the party, as he maintained that this was going to be one of the best parties they’ve been to if it lived up to his cousin’s standards. Thomas and William were still on the fence about the whole thing. Charlie clearly stated that he didn't care. He would follow them, but he didn't want to pitch in.  
He told them about Isaac. Told them the whole story as best as he could to explain why he had been like that, a jerk. They had their opinions but Charlie didn't want to talk about it more than necessary. He didn't want this weekend to be all about Isaac. He ruined enough stuff already.   
Yet, there he was. His friends were making plans and he sat there, fidgeting with the phosphorescent star.   
"We go a little late, that's an option right? Isn't it cooler that way?" Thomas proposed.  
"I guess but we can't be too late. We don't want to arrive and like… there's no more booze." Jack answered.  
Charlie listened but was lost in his thoughts until he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Probably his mother. Or Evie telling him he forgot to clean a plate or something. So he took it out and straightened up as he read the name. Isaac. What did he want?  
"Oh, Charlie woke up," William observed. "What happened for such a miracle?"  
"I got a text."  
"Mate, it ain't Love Island. Texts aren't that exciting."  
"Wait… is it from Isaac?" Thomas asked, to which Charlie nodded. "What did that one say?"  
Charlie gave him his phone. The text read a simple "did you get my note?". Thomas shook his head before showing it to the others, who disapproved as well.  
"He needs to fuck off."  
"Thomas…" Charlie sighed. After all, was he wrong?  
"Look, I'm trying not to put my grain of salt in the mix but if he's still with his girlfriend, well he needs to get lost."  
"Tell him that."  
Charlie looked at Jack as the words came out of his mouth. He didn't want to, because he could still hope that things would get better if they stayed in those grey areas. But those grey areas weren't a nice place to be in. He didn't get to move on, nor did he get to be with Isaac.  
Charlie grabbed his phone from Tom's hands and started typing a message: "I did. But it's not on me. If you want me, let's talk when I come back. If you're still with your girlfriend, I am gone."  
Upon reading the message, they all nodded in approval before deciding to go back to discussing tonight's plan. Once again, Charlie somewhat disconnected.  
Why wasn't he answering? He could see on WhatsApp that he was online. He saw the message. But no answer. Nothing. No "typing…". Maybe it was the end of the game. That was it? Did he realise he couldn't play on two courts anymore and decided Emily's one was better? Probably.  
"He answered!" Charlie exclaimed. "He asked me what I'm doing. Maybe he wants to talk?! Should I call?"  
"Charlie, buddy, calm down," William adviced. "You gotta answer like you don't care, like casual."  
"Casual?"  
"Yeah like… weekend in Bath. Something like that."  
"With an emoji?" Charlie asked as he was typing the text, which made Thomas shake his head.  
"You're lucky being Australian makes you cool, you know that?" He sighed. "Of course not, mate. Casual we said. No punctuation or shit like that. Just the text."  
Charlie did so. Clearly, he wasn't well versed enough in text communication or relationships to really give his opinion. Now again, they had to wait.   
After another 15 minutes without news, Charlie gave up the hopes that he would answer that. And they decided they would go to the party, if only to change the Aussie's mind.   
As they were getting ready, without much enthusiasm from Charlie. But he was glad that it happened when he was spending time with his friends. They had truly been the best of friends when it came to cheering him up. He could almost get his mind completely off Isaac, as long as his phone, lacking notifications, stayed out of sight. However, as soon as he heard the vibrations, he couldn't help but grab it.  
"What the hell?!"   
"What happened?" Jack asked.  
"He's in Bath. Isaac is here."  
The shock was definitely present on all their faces. Did he just come all the way here to speak? Immediately, they wanted to meet him. And maybe have a word, you know, just talk.   
"No, please. Just go to the party."  
"Is that wise? You two alone?" Thomas asked.  
"Why not?"  
"You could start speaking in emojis and he might realise you're not as cool as he thinks."  
"How do you even speak in emojis?"  
"You should watch Brooklyn Nine-Nine."  
William saw the panic in Charlie's eyes. It was obvious that between the time he read the message and the time he announced it to them, he had already given his address to Isaac. The guy had no chill. Well, both of them really. Maybe they did make a great team. Which convinced him. They needed time alone. Worst case scenario, they'd be here later tonight to pick Charlie up with a spoon. Best case scenario, Charlie could introduce them to his boyfriend in the morning.  
"Let's go, guys. Now."  
He took his jacket and pushed both of them out through their protests.   
A few minutes later, or what appeared to Charlie as an eternity, the bell rang. He sighed to give himself courage and opened the door to find Isaac on the other side.  
"Hi, wh-..." he started, but Isaac stepped in.   
"We need to talk."


	41. Friday 21.10 If You Told Me To

_ "We need to talk."  _ Yes, they did, Charlie thought, as he handed Isaac, sitting on the couch in the living room, a cold beer. He then opened his own and after a short hesitation, he sat down next to him. But he didn’t want to start talking. After all, he made his move. He gave his ultimatum. Now, Isaac had to answer, to explain himself and only after would they be able to decide where to go from there. Sure, Charlie was flattered by Isaac’s apparent choice, him, but that trip wasn’t enough. 

“I’m sorry,” Isaac finally said in a breath, playing with the bottle in his hands.

“Hm?”

“She told me, uh, Emily told me you were at the party. So… I figured that… you saw.”

Charlie couldn’t help but sigh. Yeah, so what? He wasn’t here, missing a party to hear facts he already knew.

“You weren’t supposed to see that…”

“Is that supposed to make it better? Because it really doesn’t.”

“I know… that’s not what I meant…”

After another annoyed sigh, Charlie turned to Isaac.

“Okay. Then what did you mean? I don’t understand you. Everything was going fine between us and then you just pulled back out of nowhere and you went back to  _ her… _ And after you were surprised that I didn’t want anything to do with you? I don’t understand you…”

Passing a hand through his hair, Isaac looked down, visibly ashamed, and took a sip of beer to give himself courage. As for Charlie, he wasn’t sure any answer would be satisfying. To be fair, he wasn’t sure how that attitude could be excused. Or that at least he could excuse it. Or move on from it. 

“I don’t… I don’t really understand myself either most of the time but…” He shrugged. “I just didn’t think you’d want to still be with me… once you really knew me.”

This took Charlie off guard. As soon as Isaac pulled back, told him he needed time, he had thought the problem came from him. Maybe he finally realised that he wasn’t as cool as everyone thought, or interesting. Or at least not as much as Emily. He probably had realised that Charlie just wasn’t worth dropping his highschool sweetheart over. Maybe he didn’t like that Charlie didn’t want to hold his hand or kiss him in public, not yet at least. But none of his hypotheses involved Isaac thinking Charlie wouldn’t like him, because that just wasn’t a scenario he could imagine. 

“What? You killed someone or something?”

Isaac chuckled and shook his head.

“Thank God, no I didn’t. But it’s not something like that.”

“Well tell me then! I just don’t see any reason why you would think I wouldn’t like you!” he said, or yelled almost. It all seemed so absurd. But Isaac’s eyes dropped to the floor and he started fidgeting with the bottle in his hands and Charlie came to the realisation that he had never seen Isaac stressed or anxious before. Not for their meeting, not for their almost-first-kiss, nor for the real actually. Never. He always seemed so confident and sure of himself.  Yet, there he was, looking like a kid ready to be reprimanded. 

“I’m bipolar,” Isaac blurted out like he dreaded the word itself. 

Charlie froze for a second. This was far from being what he expected, even though he didn’t have any kind of expectation. He wiggled on the couch to get closer to Isaac and reached for his hand in the hopes of comforting him. Not everything made sense yet but he was going to get to the bottom of this. 

“I...Okay, I don’t.... know much about all this but...why, why did you think I’d react badly?”

“Because you said all that stuff about wanting to stay away from your mum ‘cause she was crazy and everything…” he answered, tight throat, before finally looking up. Charlie tightened his grip around his hand. “So I thought maybe it was better if I removed myself from the situation before things could get too serious. And I guess I just went back to Emily because she knew and she’s been dealing with all of that for a while now but...I was wrong.”

Listening attentively, Charlie understood quite quickly what had happened, and how this was partly his fault. He took a deep breath as he felt Isaac finally hold his hand. 

“I shouldn’t have said that in the first place. It wasn’t fair of me towards her… and towards you I guess…” He shrugged. “But I… I’m sorry.”

“And I’m even sorrier. Listen, I shouldn’t have reacted like that and just told you.”

Charlie nodded. They both made some wrong moves but at least now, they were aware of it. And maybe, just maybe they could fix it. They could fix everything. 

“But hey, you did now and you came here,” he said, leaning towards him. “And I missed you.’

Talking, they could do all of that after. They could have all the time in the world to do some talking, just later. Breaking the distance, Charlie finally gave in to the pulsion he had as soon as Isaac appeared on the doorstep and kissed him. Almost immediately, his kiss was answered and reciprocated. And they will talk later, but as of now, he only cared about Isaac’s hand in his hair and his own hand on his knee. 

Isaac borrowed a shirt, which he swore would not be the last. Charlie lent him a little bit of toothpaste and a place in his bed. And then they pretended they were tired enough to go to bed. The rest belong only to themselves. Charlie would remember that his hands were cold, but Isaac kept them in his. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry for the late update. I don't really have an excuse, just a lack of motivation. So tell me whether there are still interested people and if you want me to finish the story and I'll try to arrange myself with my motivation ahah


	42. Saturday 9.09 Ja må du leva

The first thought that came to Charlie as he woke up was ‘the bed is empty again’. The right side of the bed, Isaac’s favourite side as he had come to learn, was covered by the blanket and the traces of head that used to rest on the pillow. But no one in sight. As far as he could tell, Isaac was already far gone, maybe already back in Brighton. Maybe he had a problem with waking up next to other people or something. But it made him sad for a second He could have just told him.  
But as he turned to the left, ready to get up, a face appeared in front of him. Isaac, looking really worried, was squatting next to the bed. Charlie jumped, surprised.   
“Were you watching me sleep… from the side of the bed? On the floor?”  
Realising how it must have looked, Isaac marked a paused.  
“No…?” And after waiting for a few seconds, he felt the need to explain himself. “I was waiting for you to wake up.”  
Straightening up, Charlie looked really confused. He passed a hand on his face in an attempt to wake up, but he was still zoning out a little. However, he had a seemingly very anxious Isaac on his hands and no idea why.   
“What’s wrong?”  
“I need your help.”  
“Yeah I got that, but why?”  
“Okay, so here’s the situation.” He stood up before sitting down next to Charlie. “I went to the kitchen to get a glass of water and I met your friend… William, right? And he asked me if I could cook breakfast for all of you and then he went back to bed but like… I can’t cook.”  
Charlie’s sigh wasn’t really appreciated by Isaac, but there it was. He just didn’t understand Isaac’s panic. It was breakfast, not a three-course meal. All he needed to do was what, crack some eggs, fry some bacon and boil some water, nothing magical.  
“I know it’s stupid but I’m going to burn something and then they’re gonna hate me…”  
“Calm down, bub. I’ll do it.”  
He grabbed a shirt on the floor, put it on and stood up. Isaac followed him out of the room, catching his hand on the way. As Charlie got the food and the utensils out and started preparing breakfast for the whole house, Isaac put on the table. He also started the kettle for the tea. That he could do and he wasn’t too anxious about messing up.   
It was weird seeing Isaac this anxious for Charlie, but he understood the need to make a good first impression. Would his friends take a liking to him? Good question, but Charlie really hoped so. Things weren’t perfect between them but they were trying to mend them, and he needed the support of his friends to do that. With the whole Emily thing, it could be somewhat hard but it didn’t have to be. Especially after a nice breakfast.  
“Hm… I’m not sure you’ll make the cut, you know,” he said while turning over the bacon as it sizzled in the pan.  
“The cut?” asked Isaac who looked like he just had a mini heart attack.  
“Yeah…” He turned to Isaac with a shrug and fakely sad and sorry expression. “Isn’t ‘can cook’ on the list for the perfect man of your dreams?”  
“Oh, but I made the cut until then?”  
Charlie wasn’t expecting that question. He blushed and found himself flustered. He had said that as a joke, the kind of things you would find on Twitter, probably as a trending hashtag. He didn’t think of it as a commentary on their relationship… but maybe that said more about the latter than he thought.   
“What if you did?”  
“Hm… Then I guess I’ll have to learn to cook. Or I’ll just have to do all the other chores,” he answered with a laugh.   
“Fine by me.”  
Isaac broke the small distance between him and Charlie to be able to kiss him. A kiss which Charlie got really into until the sizzling of the bacon and the eggs forced him to let go. With a smile both really happy but also quite annoyed towards the food. Ron Swanson talked about the sadnesses cured by breakfast food but never mentioned the ones created by it.   
“This food is definitely making more problems than it is worth,” Charlie laughed, turning off the electric stove and putting the contents of the pan in plates.   
Probably attracted by the smell of bacon, William got out of his room, quickly followed by Jack and Thomas. The three guys looked pretty tired, which made Charlie wondered what happened to them last night and when they got home. But at least, he didn’t feel too bad for kicking them out of the house last night. They all sat down around the table.  
“Thank for the breakfast, man,” William said, looking at Isaac, who just smiled a little awkwardly.   
“Hey, hesh yeah!” Jack exclaimed, his mouth already full of scrambled eggs. “That’s hell of a first impression!”  
And as they ate their breakfast, which Isaac felt bad about getting all the praise for its deliciousness, they started getting to know each other. Relieved, Charlie was so relieved. For the first time in weeks, everything was fine. He was with Isaac, finally, even if they kissed more than they talked about their future. Simultaneously, he was spending time with his friends and not pushing them away. Even better, those two worlds that seemed so far apart not so long ago were finally colliding and they were laughing. Maybe in a little while, Isaac would be part of his friends' group. After all, they sure seemed to be going that way. And Charlie sure was happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, sorry for the delay. There isn't exactly a lot of movement on here but I'll try to finish the fic. Maybe leave a comment if you like it.


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